Athair Ar Neamh, Father in Heaven, Enya

Claudie Mackula , Solitude

Simon's Cat in "Cat and Mouse" | Disney Favorite

Alain de Botton, interview

"..to learn art's general lesson which is it's power to reanimate our relationship with the world.."
a remark on the message of Proust




..nice also on kisses, welcome, exposure, on honesty and on editing ourselves, on oddities,
on sex, on relationships, on romanticism, on our travel through life..worth while listening

Rammstein - Engel (Live from Madison Square Garden)

incongruity ...the landmark of the restless mind-
i don't aim to be an angel
nor do i aim not to be an angel:
unconceivable possibilities...
no reason to be so excited about being good or not good :-)
Rammstein, songs using pre-fabricated puberty emotions
without really much else..could just as well work for 
a totalitarian regime, no?
"i don't want to be...like this, like that.."
then-how?
just.."special"? ...uff.

Wer zu Lebzeit gut auf Erden
Wird nach dem Tod ein Engel werden
Den Blick gen Himmel fragst du dann
Warum man sie nicht sehen kann

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehn
Kann man uns am Himmel sehn
Wir haben Angst und sind allein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein

Sie leben hinterm Sonnenschein
Getrennt von uns unendlich weit
Sie müssen sich an Sterne krallen
(Ganz fest)
Damit sie nicht vom Himmel fallen

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehn
Kann man uns am Himmel sehn
Wir haben Angst und sind allein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein

Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehn
Kann man uns am Himmel sehn
Wir haben Angst und sind allein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein

Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein

falling asleep

between thistles and nostrils

Arthur Rimbaud ,Eternity (English Version),

Do be do be do dooo it's raining!!

Sprache, Wittgenstein, associations

"Die Grenzen meiner Sprache bedeuten die Grenzen meiner Welt." Ludwig Wittgenstein

I feel a bit of pity for Mr. Wittgenstein.
Does he mean his world as can be communicated within convention
between humans of one specific social background or does he really mean his world?

Systemology bores me quickly, it appears useless within my life, and here i mean the process of 
inventing new terms and perspectives for and within closed systems. because with his world as above he defines a closed system. no?

easily i can see the importance of analysis of communication as it always also deals with
communication with oneself in a socio-cultural, psychological and historic context: 
this context needs deconstruction so we can walk out and open systems
and see new ways out of our obsessed and ghostlike minds.

secondly we need this deconstruction to find to freedom from domination,
from oppressive concepts in which we all had been held for long since childhood.
we need it to analyze our social situations, in politics, in the office, at home.
we need or at least i need to see myself in relation to my dependence and  interdependence,
to my freedom and my mortality. i wish to see me in my place as free of set phrases as ever will be possible
and in all modesty: i need my balance point from where i can criticize myself and smile about me.
this balance point is not fixed nor defined: it changes as much as i move and do.

language is living, alive as we are and exists within a changing and living context.
can we walk out of language ? then we can indeed walk out of our mind.
communication is also what we do not say but may express and or experience 
with body language, with kisses, with pauses, with rhythm and with talking about something else.

what really disturbs in such sentences as above that there is more to my world
than my multi-structured restless mind and my archetype - influenced soul, my stream of emotions, 
my physical limitations: there is a center out of which we can radiate and grow.
language cannot find it, searching and finding the end of language can point us on a way.
but there will be no formula.

now, this is a chaotic and subjective interpretation and associations out of context
to one single phrase from this philosopher, all background removed.
i think this is good: 
take away the clothes, then you are either near or very far away.

I am near me and each day nearer death, this is quite enough to me,
i do not wish to spend time within closed systems of thought and analytic
tools which at best take away my awareness of life, of suffering, of joy,
of love and of the center out of which i try to live to my best ability
which is in fact a lot of work already.

reading is good, too much reading is ballast.
as a doctor and often near agony and death i learned
to do one thing: to forget.

i have already forgotten what i wrote here.
this is not a sign of dementia, in my opinion it is one
pre-condition for life,sleep, awareness of the present 
and of love and death.


Sprache bedeutet Annäherung oder Abwendung, Impuls, Einflussnahme,  Kontrolle,
jeder Versuch der Kommunikation bleibt ein Versuch, eine dauernde Erforschung von Kontext,
ein Verharren als auch ein Spiegelkampf im Missverstehen,
Kommunion ist nur ein flüchtiges Erleben, zumeist illusorisch, 
jedes Wort ruft ein anderes hervor, Sprache ist reaktionär.

Es macht bedeutend mehr Sinn, zusammen den Garten um zu graben, Kaffee zu trinken,
ins Bett zu gehen, sich die Hand zu halten, Liebe zu machen, zu reisen, Tauben zu füttern, zu sehen,
wie der Mond sich im Meer spiegelt und -wo es ein muß- sich über die Straße zu helfen und helfen zu lassen.

Innere Wandlung erfolgt nicht durch Sprache und doch, Sprache verführt, lenkt ab,kann Verhaltensmuster hervorrufen oder verstärken, Floskeln sind hypnotische Befehle wie jeder Werbefachmann es weiß.

Doch innere Freiheit,  die Suche und das Sehen und Finden des wesentlichen aus dem Zentrum
des Augenblicks entsteht erst mit der Auflösung der Sprache.

"Die Grenzen meiner Sprache bedeuten den Anfang meines Lebens." Conrad Feder