around himself, his feet warm
near the fire.
there was nobody but him and
the voices inside, memories coming
up like moths, like flares, at times
waves but he didn’t drown.
He had learned not to.
he nodded and thought, yes, i
have lived life fully and with passion,
and, he twitched, i have always been
a fool. And i always wanted the impossible…
April, he knew he was born in April,
that April i stood outside feeling a huge weight
lifted off my shoulders, my mind felt
clear and my heart bounced ,
breathing fresh clean spring air.
I felt i can be alive once more.
and then i fell in love because after all
it is a falling out of reason,
how it happens,
being so vulnerable and with wings to fly,
but the wings were treacherous,
all was out of balance, i stayed alone.
and unhappy- i knew it will happen.
did i want to punish me?
for what.still i don’t know.
and time and life and me passed,
i felt seconds going like centuries,
my blood running into soil,
feeding a desert,
and then i was old, now i am old.
Yes, i loved, i tried to forget me
because i do not exist,
and even if
it wouldn’t have changed anything,
it ate me from inside,
up to this day.
No, he said, lifting his head
and he looked into the flames,
i am not eaten yet.
the old man listened
and music filled the space
and the space grew wide.
he sighed and he got up,
walked outside, slowly,
and trees and grass and sun
and birds and and bees
and even the sky said
joy is here.
a deep breath,
he exhaled
and infinity arrived.
