Saturday, April 21, 2018
states between yes and no: catharsis?
catharsis is release, release of tension, of blocks, it is to find a way
out of traps, taking a long shower in tears, then laugh, purification.
alone and together are two kinds of ways.
alone it is nakedness with oneself,
together it is nakedness to each other and to oneself,
it means to let tears flow and let go and embrace in re-birth.
another re-birth into a new between yes and no i will not suffer.
i've done it again and again.
i am here. i feel. i am. i am naked to me.
i'll do what i am used to do:
i'll walk out some day, in relief, burdens leaving
my shoulders, and i see, re-opening,
how i am part of all.
i wish for another way.
i have not been allowed to find this now.
out of traps, taking a long shower in tears, then laugh, purification.
alone and together are two kinds of ways.
alone it is nakedness with oneself,
together it is nakedness to each other and to oneself,
it means to let tears flow and let go and embrace in re-birth.
another re-birth into a new between yes and no i will not suffer.
i've done it again and again.
i am here. i feel. i am. i am naked to me.
i'll do what i am used to do:
i'll walk out some day, in relief, burdens leaving
my shoulders, and i see, re-opening,
how i am part of all.
i wish for another way.
i have not been allowed to find this now.
Quotes, O amor
O amor pode morrer na verdade, a amizade na mentira.
Abel Bonnard
O amor é o estado no qual os homens têm mais probabilidades de ver as coisas tal como elas não são.
Friedrich Nietzsche
subterranean
the ocean stretched quiet and dark.
what happened underwater nobody
could see.i saw a woman walking
in a straight line, she went right inside
and i didn’t see her come out.
it could have been a man, maybe the man
in whose soul she lived like a nail.
wounds scar, heal, i can see, touch, feel.
the sea took her unmovingly, and her
disappearance was complete.
i felt no God present but an unforgiving universe
and night.
and the tides, waves coming in and going out,
again and again and again.
does the river return to its source, does the water
have a choice, pushed from behind, flowing forwards
until it joins the ocean.
i am a river, you are.
at the same time the rats and moles and worms
kept busy underground, shovelling the same piece
of earth over and over, building tunnels
later to be taken by snakes and insects.
there was no immediate sense to be seen,
it was just what they did. i think the enlightenment
of rats and moles must be minimal, it is just in doing
what they do. are we different in our subterranean
efforts and struggles?
we keep busy even in not doing anything but
we imagine that to bring dirt into light
will transform us. but it brings only dirt into
the light. maybe what we do with it is meaningful,
we can do pottery work, make little voodoo dolls
and stick needles into them or dress them up
in white and kiss them. then-what?
one wrong move, they fall and break and
nobody is any wiser or happier.
past is past and night is night and voodoo is not
necessary.
what happened underwater nobody
could see.i saw a woman walking
in a straight line, she went right inside
and i didn’t see her come out.
it could have been a man, maybe the man
in whose soul she lived like a nail.
wounds scar, heal, i can see, touch, feel.
the sea took her unmovingly, and her
disappearance was complete.
i felt no God present but an unforgiving universe
and night.
and the tides, waves coming in and going out,
again and again and again.
does the river return to its source, does the water
have a choice, pushed from behind, flowing forwards
until it joins the ocean.
i am a river, you are.
at the same time the rats and moles and worms
kept busy underground, shovelling the same piece
of earth over and over, building tunnels
later to be taken by snakes and insects.
there was no immediate sense to be seen,
it was just what they did. i think the enlightenment
of rats and moles must be minimal, it is just in doing
what they do. are we different in our subterranean
efforts and struggles?
we keep busy even in not doing anything but
we imagine that to bring dirt into light
will transform us. but it brings only dirt into
the light. maybe what we do with it is meaningful,
we can do pottery work, make little voodoo dolls
and stick needles into them or dress them up
in white and kiss them. then-what?
one wrong move, they fall and break and
nobody is any wiser or happier.
past is past and night is night and voodoo is not
necessary.
and then the tongue
and then the tongue fell
out of the heart and his fingers
froze, and after all release,
the old fir stirred and rustled
up in the garden, and in the sky
coalescent lines of light crossed
only to meet in infinity, wherever
this may be he didn't know,
a tiny whisper of thought
and doubt kept him standing
for a moment, a second, then he went
inside where he belonged, always
had to stay, out of grace, fallen
out of all ways of yes and no, free,
going home, back to root and
into the fire which could do no harm
anymore, it was warm and promised
sleep and shelter, nothing burned
and the ashes had gone cold,
the wind took all, ashes, him,
and without weight he moved
in his dreams, floating on clouds,
white and grey and soft-
and after all he agreed to be rain,
for April, for spring, for the roses
and the green and the grass.
out of the heart and his fingers
froze, and after all release,
the old fir stirred and rustled
up in the garden, and in the sky
coalescent lines of light crossed
only to meet in infinity, wherever
this may be he didn't know,
a tiny whisper of thought
and doubt kept him standing
for a moment, a second, then he went
inside where he belonged, always
had to stay, out of grace, fallen
out of all ways of yes and no, free,
going home, back to root and
into the fire which could do no harm
anymore, it was warm and promised
sleep and shelter, nothing burned
and the ashes had gone cold,
the wind took all, ashes, him,
and without weight he moved
in his dreams, floating on clouds,
white and grey and soft-
and after all he agreed to be rain,
for April, for spring, for the roses
and the green and the grass.
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