once i heard a sentence such as" i could always just speak without causing and getting a problem", meaning receiving an emotional reaction.
if this is true, then nobody listened with full participation, just said umm and amm.
when what we say to another one is what and how we think for ourselves, we can keep it right there
as long as we do not in the process of speaking include mindfulness of the listener.
i guess this is a nearly impossible job.
when the speaker doesn't say spontaneously the truth, the message will arrive distorted or at least transformed, changed, a mutation.
the listener will recognize a lie, a half truth just as well as perceive mindfulness and the effort
to reach and to touch.
when one speaks spontaneous truth, it is mostly egocentric truth,
the words out of aloneness will rarely reach togetherness.
the problems in this oscillating process are manifold.
one is, do i wish to reach the listener - and do i wish to listen?
do i want to be together or alone?
do i want to make a point, take a stand or do i wish to communicate,
leave gates open, can i dare, is it possible or shall i protect my opinions
and keep my experience away from change?
do i need to judge or can i let go?
can i forgive or must i insist?
what is it i truly wish ?
this is the question each healer and spiritual teacher will ask you:
what do you wish?
he will explain to you : if you don't know, i cannot help you, i cannot accompany you.
we are truly not always each other's healer.
even when we manage to make us understood with our wishes and in our essence:
we may fail and not find the response and companionship we looked for.
communication is not just a flow, it is work.
and either one wants to do it or not.
and though it takes honesty and nakedness and vulnerability, though it
takes blood and tears: the laughter may not arrive.
we must be humble and recognize our insufficiency,
our need and our helplessness.
when nothing else remains but memory,
we must find our own story.
and talk about the weather.
this is the best way to stay on safe ground.
to share impressions and moods from outside of us...
universal rule of conversation.
when we cannot communicate, we'll have a conversation.
same when we don't know a thing about what we are asked.
i will always remember the joke on the social worker.
being asked by a stranger for the way to the railway station, he said:
i don't know, but we can sit down and discuss it.
This way talking to each other may be a friendly invitation
to share the lack of orientation.
good enough for a cup of coffee and a selfie.
and..maybe our life is more defined and so our communication
by what we do no want than by what we wish.
note:
see the B.Shaw quote , right side...
