i am ashamed

will this circle
never be broken?
i am turning,
the earth, the sun, the moon,
all are turning.

my blood curdles,
and now,
will i live
or will i die?

my self feels
like a cancer
growing heavy on me.

i realize
my insufficiency
aware of my faults,
with another.

before now
i was aware of wounds
and astral holes,
alone.

and again.
where is the spiral
staircase in the center
of this circle?

the walls are
closing in again,
there is not much time left.

i am at peace
but i do not want
to enter the gates of death
like this,
i am ashamed
to leave so impure.

i am thirsty for this water
which i want to share
when i find it,
i am longing
for the river
and i will go there.