words live
but it is too delicate
i spread my hand
and words turn to
sand and ashes
they will mingle
and green grass
will sprout up there
i trod on a spiderweb
and tripped over
my ankle hurts
tears are in my face
in my shoes,
they form a puddle
it looks clumsy
i talk to a door,
it is a real door,
i called a name
but the answer
was expected.
the door is a door,
shut,closed, bolted.
so i am a child
who has nobody to play.
from far away
i hear mantras
they do not reach
me, i see mandalas,
they sink into themselves,
cannot draw me in.
i see doctors
with pills against suffering,
liars, all i would need
is presence.
i see a substitute universe
filled with impossible promisses,
escape into eternal skies
of detached happiness.
why,machines can do that.
no lies and gurus needed.
a lobotomy will do.
best going with castration.
this my friends,
this,
is the secret of adult
life:
go,
be peaceful,
let things happen
to you,
let your blood
flow
until it seeps allover
the orderly floor
of hospitals
and nursing homes
and fcn,
don't make a fuss
about it
or anything.
be quiet,
be peaceful,
what does not come today
comes tomorrow.
maybe of course.
well, now getting desinfected,
should i work on it,
re-arrange intestines,
stitch up oozing brains
and wombs and hearts?
no, fear is the root
of sublimation,
evolution has its price,
it lives in palaces of wind
and spirits become
lonely ghosts
holding flowers
in withering hands
i can write
but my hand will
fall off like a leper's
unnoticed
dead words
aborted visions
driftwood
broken dreams
i cannot
love
alone.
sadness, solitude,
loneliness, my sisters
took me to the moon.
but tomorrow,
tomorrow i will listen
to the birds
singing the new day
i can die
again
later.
i can be
in a wheelchair
dumb and deaf
later.
the crows called me
black and noisy
they said
i am still a man
and i should
call my desire
through the evening skies
and sleep in the trees.
the sheep came
and they told me
come closer
we keep you warm.
the cats
walked up to me
they purred
and gave me comfort
dogs sniffed
at my hands
and put their
heads on my knee.
women came
and took off
their clothes
and mine.
i let them do
as they pleased
and i let them go.
friends came
to talk to me,
so what,
it does not change
my way.
i let them go.
i will not follow
their path.
i don't hold on,
they might make me
stumble more
when i am not aware
horses, yes horses
are free
but even they
come and kiss me.
i didn't try
with crocodiles,
vipers, giants,
fairies, but yes,
maybe monsters.
we being human
live in darkness
and have to feel
our way
walking in light
open eyed:
morituri te salutant.
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