why, why not?

why am i here, in Marrakech, one question. one answer: i decided . why did i not manage to stop smoking. one answer: i let it happen. 

this is for why.

now i am here. 

there are many places and ways to be alone. one of them is to feel lost, alone or alone to-gether. actually all humans in love can be like the most lost children, cruelly adult and cruelly child, and this is exactly where it hurts and where they must meet in truth and naked.

there are many ways and places to feel joy alone. instinctively i always want to communicate immediately. often there is nobody  or it is not possible in words.experience and presence shared cannot all be put in words.and words cannot replace this. 

so, i am in Marrakech.

this is all.

i am not much enlightened here, or maybe not at all anyway. yes.

now i try to see how to meet more of my dark places, naked but a torch in my hands. i want to make the night glow and  move with more ease. is it possible? if i am my king, i have to ask myself for help. who else will rule but demons and monsters if i let them.

i ask, is this a holi-day? it is. it is christmas.