to be calm had never appealed to me: a short meditation to share

to be calm had never appealed to me, had never.
i breathe into my night,
and i rest in hands i don't know about.
i don't need to know.
maybe they are mine. maybe yours.
maybe it is life.
maybe they are God's hands.
maybe .

my cat crawls up on my lap.
he wants to be close.
he purrs.
i am sure it is not love.
and i am not sure if it is his need
or just a mood.
i don't care.

no. to be calm had never appealed to me.
i had wanted to be different, inspired,
outstanding, powerful.
what is this power?
it takes so much for nothing.
and inspiration, well,
to say the truth of now,
i don't always want to fly.
i am walking on earth,
not on water.


to be calm had never appealed to me.
i had wanted to be away.
but why is now not enough?
open for the next now,
but now is now.

to be calm had never appealed to me.
i had wanted to be loved,
but do i need it?
will i not be bored
if it should be too much?
can i not just love?
can it be?

to be calm had never appealed to me.
now: i thought it is a prison
and the bird of my longing
must escape and find a branch
from where it can sing.
can i not sing here?

to be calm had never appealed to me.
a touch of grace felt like a threat
that  i could be possessed.
but am i not my own man?
i am free.

to be calm had never appealed to me.
how do you walk a tight rope
high up in the sky:
you forget what you do,
and you are in balance.

so i forgot,
and to be calm
and in balance
feels right.

there is no need to defend
what i do not own
and there is no need to defend
what i own:
i am like water,
and i am, me.


well, now.