but i have to come to it out of myself and i just have to say it.
what i mentioned a few days before, self-inflicting pain be it
in soul or body (but it will always be both as they are inseparable)
can be a method to escape being here, here in specific situations,
a technique to draw all awareness and experience out in
another self-chosen place.
drug dependency of whatsoever is exactly this kind of interacting with a world of various
stressfull situations and it is self-inflicting pain. and it doesn't matter
when it has been learned to escape in a self-harming way,
usually it arises first in situations which appear unavoidable, oppressive
and terrorizing.
and this apart from physical withdrawal symptoms makes it so difficult
to stay present without drugs.
you have to find the lock and turn the key.
drugs are ok, ... dependency is a handicap in presence.
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