love and me: in process/and words: in process

the only true way to write about love is authentic,
all else is an intellectual game, a religion, philosophy,
a set of rules, one of these guides on how to fill the social role
better and on how to manage the consumption of 'happiness'.

no, i have to write about the meaning for me.
a word which has another meaning for everybody.

in this case being in love with a woman and loving her.

to love is to listen, i learned this.
to remain perceptive AND vulnerable is the only true way
to be aware of another one's presence.
for me.
it is to learn, to change, to move across limits and patterns.

a loving relationship is to care.
this is meaningful and valuable by itself
and gives already joy.

love is to give space and to be close and present.
both.
for me.

a fulfilled relationship before the onset of agony
includes the body, touch, an integration of  desire
and need, of "making" love and later closeness
in the warmth and care of loving integrated in the "being"
and meeting of soul and spirit .
there is no "matter" as being separate and opposed to "spirit".

a fulfilled realtionship includes the acceptance of imperfection of the other one
and the sharing of suffering as well as of joy.
to be present with the other one's suffering.
for me.


a relationship where only laughter and joy are permitted
and smiles and soft talk bridging gaps and clefts and dark holes
( by its nature, words, a work which cannot succeed) is -for me-
soft headed, far fetched, shallow, constructed,
not meaningful.


there are wounds in all of us, dark places, unexplored ,
AND there is still surprise and astonishment.

When tears cannot be shared too
and the pain of the soul must be shut away,
i don't want to be there.
i will retire into myself.
and will have a hard time to come out again.


and i don't care how "somebody" translates me,
but i care how i am "felt" by the one i love
without me needing to put on the mascara of wisdom.

i am happy enough as i am. mostly.
i can only share this and my honesty.

for today: enough. in writing: forever enough.
only two things remain important , for me:
doing and feeling in and out of the deep heart of me
and the widening of awareness and kindness.


and all this sounds already far and constructed in words,
the story of life evolving and unfolding is where truth shows,
captures and shows us wonder.