sleep is mercy and grace.
after 5 days of migraine and changes in weather, temperature and air pressure,
i, my body and my organic structure and my soul,
we forgot again to sleep,
and i am in danger of substance abuse and
following withdrawal symptoms once more.
Diabetes pops up and goes for several weeks now after having had
disappeared for three years.
The ups and downs of blood sugar levels affect my brain,
my mood, my condition. I am either irritable or tired.
I need Insuline, and then i need again no Insuline.
It is hard to deal with this specific instability,
just now i am itching allover.
On top of it i developed a mild allergy against the skin particles of my cat
making me sneeze and cough. He sleeps stretched out
on his back on my bed.
Just looks at me when i get up in my sleeplessness
with the bored expression of a non-believer.
I hope all this can change again for better.
This is not poetry, just difficult and demanding on my energy level.
maybe complaining helps to break up patterns as poetry does.
poetry is processing the experience of life in such a way as to
prepare a state of freedom in which meditation can be possible.
For me it is to let go and walk out of suffocation and prisons,
patterns and mantras walking out in words, and then to see the futility
of my problems and the circles in which i keep myself erring.
art is meditation already in a first step.
in a way art is the art of dying consciously,
and in the end means an act of release from
fighting for freedom and coming to acceptance.
life and love are the teachers, not poetry, not gurus.
now, sleep, come. come with your wonder and refresh me.
please. i let you come...
.
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