"Trust … is different from mere reliance. One may rely on an alarm clock, and to that extent be disappointed if it fails to do its job, but one does not feel deeply vulnerable, or profoundly invaded by the failure. Similarly, one may rely on a dishonest colleague to continue lying and cheating, but this is reason, precisely, not to trust that person; instead, one will try to protect oneself from damage. Trust, by contrast, involves opening oneself to the possibility of betrayal, hence to a very deep form of harm. It means relaxing the self-protective strategies with which we usually go through life, attaching great importance to actions by the other over which one has little control. It means, then, living with a certain degree of helplessness.
Is trust a matter of belief or emotion? Both, in complexly related ways. Trusting someone, one believes that she will keep her commitments, and at the same time one appraises those commitments as very important for one’s own flourishing. But that latter appraisal is a key constituent part of a number of emotions, including hope, fear, and, if things go wrong, deep grief and loss. Trust is probably not identical to those emotions, but under normal circumstances of life it often proves sufficient for them. One also typically has other related emotions toward a person whom one trusts, such as love and concern. Although one typically does not decide to trust in a deliberate way, the willingness to be in someone else’s hands is a kind of choice, since one can certainly live without that type of dependency… Living with trust involves profound vulnerability and some helplessness, which may easily be deflected into anger."
"Being heard and acknowledged is a reasonable wish on the part of the wronged party, and asking for truth and understanding is not the same thing as asking for payback. Indeed, it often helps the Transition. However, often the extraction of acknowledgment shades over unpleasantly into payback and even humiliation, and this temptation should be avoided."
"Intimate relationships are perilous because of the exposure and lack of control they involve. Being seriously wronged is a constant possibility, and anger, therefore, a constant and profoundly human temptation. If vulnerability is a necessary consequence of giving love its proper value, then grief is often right and valuable. It does not follow, however, that anger is so."
https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/05/03/martha-nussbaum-anger-and-forgiveness/?mc_cid=cfcc87c790&mc_eid=d4633eff0a
...well..well written...i am in a position where i might conclude this is all in fact too dangerous for me,
a long time...
Martha Nussbaum writes on status seeking.
Here I am not seeking status but a home felt, not a house built and fixed, neither in place nor mind, but trust, care, warmth and love.
Arms open to welcome me with joy whenever joy can be present.
Without too many re-occuring thoughts on anger, hurt, mistrust and bad past from both sides.
Without being defined and mirrored to be and behave such and such,
without being pre-cut and pre-defined in my role and context and flowing out and towards.
I accept it happening but not as a preliminary context, being warned off again and again , burdened with an unfortunate but real threat towards me
as a living physical being in my very connection to the roots of life.
I was told quite often that i am "traditional" and "romantic".
But..I am just alive and totally unwilling for a sometimes nearly constructed relationship
appearing again and again based on de-construction of expectancy
and disturbed by passionate opposition to words, values, ideas,
a relationship for periods more analyzed and feared than lived.
Therefore I don't know if love can be in my life now. I found, lost, found...for many months, presence, joy, love, suffering, life. I met death too. i met myself. as always-
not so pleasant, it is for nobody.
my trust is minimal by now, and hope has reached a low level.
and i do behave badly, manage badly, meet too much insecurity, my own
and the kind inherent in relationship , also obstruction and anger in it
where i want peace but cannot keep it.
i don't wish to expect anything at all anymore. But this makes me ...sad.
Sad and free.
I am willing to be surprised. That is all. Maybe i can do the same. How should i know.
Life and love are astonishing BECAUSE they cannot be defined.
The always imminent loss of life and of love gives them their meaning, maybe.
I'd be happy if i could just give...and keep giving out of heart.
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