sleep didn't come

last night was hot, in the early morning hours lightning but no rain. head and emotions running,
painting shadows in my mind. needed a pill
and hate this status.
i cannot write a true diary.
too much broken in the continuity
of being me.
i have to re-invent me again and again
to walk into the days.
and sometimes i feel like a boat without the sailor
and other times as if my sail got hidden away.