today i quote me, why not

poem for my birthday

this, to be found before the poem itself:

"words are nothing,they move restlessly between us,
and as they are nothing but carry meaning there is inborn
tension of misunderstanding each syllable,
causing tumult, disturbing all the time, 
a noise worse than cars hooting
and volleys of shots.
birds do better. or dolphins."

it is astonishing what can happen in written interaction,
not communication, it can be  reaction, judgement and opposition
anticipating the worst, people putting each other in corners
because of , well, is it really words?

no question asked, no question answered.
sometimes i feel quite exhausted with language.
but then, it is not about language, about words,
it is about anticipating a meaning and
imagining to understand within one's own context 
another person.

when two do it often enough badly,staying in their own text,
and i tend to do as many others and sometimes i understand as i wish
to understand..sometimes i err understanding what i dislike as it jumps into the eye first,
the vicious circle forming  can sometimes only be cut by separation
or by surprising transformation and change. this is wonder.
wonders happen, but they take blood.
they really happen, wonders can be real.

let us call people humans and see them as persons anyway:
they are sensitive beings. we can agree that they have nerve endings,
feel pain, hunger, thirst- and they react to touch.
unfortunately they imagine they "have" a soul and must protect it,
they neither have it nor can they protect it. there is no possession.
all is reaction, all changes and flows.
what we hold in our hands is memory,
what we do with it: a story.

At the right side of my blog you find George Bernard Shaw:
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion
that it has taken place."
Nobody could have said it better.
It has taught me a lot. too often.

One very true question for me is:
do we wish to communicate at all
or would we prefer to be symbolic,
performing rituals of talking and writing,
because real communication is too much effort and
could take us out of our pattern and our zone of comfort
and question our consciousness and self?

How should we ever reach moments of communion if
not finally in silent trust ,
at times in music or in walking hand in hand or in lasting embrace-

or (as possibly the majority of humanity)
in rituals such as in church,in  football enthusiasm,drunk in the bars,  
grunting in sex, quiet at funerals and birthday parties, shouting at
the man beating his dog or giving bad names to politicians?
O my, what kind of communion. 

Do we really wish to do better, are we at all able to include awareness
of another in our consciousness and what will we "do" with it?
Can we keep our integrity AND question it?

For communication and for sure for a meaningful communion 
we have to question this, our ego. 
and we have to find a way to go beyond
and out and towards which makes sense and feels good.

It is a hard way, to say it and to do it is different.
sometimes there are openings.
sometimes curtains.


for sure, one is the best way never to reach even the 
still more basic levels of communication: 
statements and taking them as they are written.

anyway, i know nothing, of course.
maybe love is the biggest illusion of all.
even this i am not sure about, at times.
i act as if i feel what is true is true, i feel love is true.
now i go to watch a series, to be on the safe side of
this my world.