melancholia, just a flue

melancholia as taking a distance, even depression relating to one's dying, or fado coming out of tight chests, pressed throats and narrow conditions trying to rise..

melancholia as a luxury, depression as an evasion, fado as failing love and life taking a pride in survival....poverty and loss as a virtue, sadness as a means for transformation...
but not all sadness leads to beauty...

melancholia , depression and fado as a kind of strange complaint and insult to all who hurt us..
and then to all outside..all outside being the enemy...going out of focus by denial...using
all the arrogance of  an ego separating itself as it had been separated, singled out, defined,
chased and caught and confined by society and partners ..now unwilling to stay within this game...

despair..black spots in the mind and in our hearts..

regression and retreat : related to each other and easily mixed up..

..maybe no recovery without regression and complaint,
to follow an animal instinct to hide and to draw the shutters
giving oneself space and time to heal and possibly all healing
includes leaving a part of life, a tooth, a bone, a pain...
didn't we learn as children how to leave a tooth can end suffering?
and don't the apple and plums and nuts drop from the trees when
the branches are too heavily loaded?

it all must be there too.
forgetting must be there: to let go.
to listen to the rain.
to sleep giving oneself to sleep..

in the morning  to get up, to walk out and to get wet again..

there is no way to swim without getting at least a bit wet :-)

blood flows everywhere..always..

all rises, evaporates, returns with the rain..
and flowers will grow out of dust in some place, in some desert..
they come growing out of the night..wonders everywhere..

i must sleep.
i am ill and in pain, old and damaged...
it will go, i'll be young another way, another time, or not,
who must know. To let go and to go needs to be allowed-
and there is only us who can give us the freedom of
dysfunction.
We need it.