tomorrow i have to go for a cardiac catheter, a routine,
it suddenly made me restless and brought unwelcome memories.
i learned that one can only give the affection one feels and the care
in so far as one gives both to oneself.
i learned from me and from another one.
i stayed with love rising above clouds and reaching through them.
this is the name i give.
i will my fear not let win to define my actions
but it troubles me all the same from quite deep down.
last year in spring had not been a good time,
but now is now.
i try to sleep,
dreaming of travel and journey.
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