grief

there is a grief i will not be able to forget,
a loss i must bear as i let go, a knot in my stomach
which will not go anymore,
there will be no bed in which i find peace,
no soul who will take it away,
it is alive and buried inside and at the same
time it burns me in hell.

some wounds never heal,
and they are not meant to:
they must remain, must be kept open.
they have a meaning to us
and they are like a tattoo in the heart.

but i cannot go on and lie to me,
when nobody helps to untie the knot
and i am too clumsy: i must cut it.
a fox would bite off his own leg to be free.

i feel bad and sad but i walk out of
this long despair
and here i will bear my cross
and stumble up the hills-
towards the sky.