man i say, woman i say

of course, i have nothing new to say.
fundamental theme tonight:
i don't want to become but i am.
this sounds simple but it isn't.

first i will become another, wanting or not wanting.
this is the law of life and death: change.
i will become a dead body, some day.

second there is no fixed I who can be.

Most of the time we spend in a wandering mental
activity, in an associative modus operandi.
cognitive control and ability is much less
than we like to admit. our consciousness
is indeed not much more than the tip of an iceberg
and is in continuous flow and invention of a self.
Besides keeping us functioning in a socially
acceptable way, there is not so much conscious power
to direct change and growth and self development
as may be wished for:
the wagging tail does not move the dog.

it is quite good to feel lost:
this is a very basic and very truthful experience,
the self a shape shifting island
in an ever changing ocean.

so, i am can only mean being accepting
being lost, helpless and vulnerable and impermanent
and not minding so much...
it is worth a smile.

though i don't say we can do nothing:
this is also complete nonsense-
we just never know the outcome
whichever the intentions may be
and we cannot even be sure about the intentions.
This is the other basic truth:
always question, never know.

last, i thought enough, and i wish
to give myself to the luxury and mystery
of music which can integrate and take me and lift me
me like a love
and connect me to the universe who so ever i might be,
i don't need to know ..

and though i am not who i imagine i am at whichever time
and though i am not my feelings nor my thoughts
and though i am also all these:
when i don't exist, why take it all so seriously?

touch the bark of trees, listen to the birds, the wind, the sea,
the rain, make love and sink in arms you trust , forget yourself,
fall in love or fall asleep-
or listen to music...

man i say, woman i say, smile ...
look at yourself and you know why,
be still, listen...