there are no saints

there are no saints.
enlightenment does not make anybody holy
but richer, richer of pain and of joy.

pain is a condition for joy,and joy is a condition for pain.
they are as inseparable as life and death.

sometimes poetry or more so music may take us
right into this dance between suffering and near
ecstatic joy, and we 'feel' the connection more deeply
than in many other ways. but there are other ways.


meditation will help with one part of this kind of enlightenment.
unfortunately mere detachment will not allow true growth.
we have to actively work and go deep into the alchemy of
imagination.
we have to go through the recognition and roots of what is called 'transference'
in psychoanalysis.
mainly we have to go through our judgements and reactions on other persons: here we find the parts of us we do not wish to see.
the one we do not want to be.
we react most strongly to persons in which we see from the first moment
somebody repulsing us, something extremely uncomfortable, traits of  the demons and devils of our
very own dark experience: it is us, too.
everybody can perceive this, often daily.


saying it another way the work towards the evolvement of  a truly adult person must be
gone in humility and with the the task of seeing: you are me, tat tvam asi.
tat tvam asi is not a statement, it is a task, a path to communicate with us and each other,
all living beings.

when we only watch badness as if it has nothing to do with us,
saying 'oo oo this is bad, i cannot even see this', we will remain blind.
there are times when we must transmit us into the heart of concentration camps, gulags,
war crimes,colonial prisons in full. we must be really there and ask us how we would act or react.
we must be at the heart of badness and ask ourselves truly.
and we must doubt us, have bad dreams and shiver.
we must see us in the life of the seduced, the cruel, the indifferent, the slaughterers
and the victims, the hopeless and the courageous and the so immensely alive ones.
we must dive into monsters and into slaves, into the secretaries and into the killers,
the doctors, the spies. we must see our 'Judas'.

we must see how love can turn into hate, and how the longing for love
can turn men and women hard and cruel, how indeed flattery and rewardment
can dominate our life.

we must see what happened in our childhood, in our life.
we must accept the trauma of seeing us.
and we may find the possibilities for choice though
we can never know how we are or will not be and how we will act, not with certainty.
we can be aware.


but we must also meditate and let go and feel
how unimportant we are and all what we think.

and we need to live now and not only in the past.
we need a garden and walls.
even God rested for a day., they say so.

today i said we. i didn't say us. we have to do it alone, each one.
of course we can let it all be and be zombies coming up with the whistle of the master
for a dance in the graveyard.
for sure the master will be no good.

there are no saints.
and i am not important.
and saying what is written above is just as unimportant as saying this.
only a witnessing of signposts.