when my cat woke me

now when my cat woke

me out of first dream

with my suitcase

thundering down the stairs

i woke to the words

i kept near and inside

throughout today

driving in trance

they are not for me

but for you and for you.

do not wail at my grave

when i will be dead

be silent with my release

and know this:

you have only now.

live with what you have

in grace

and try to be kind.

this is simple.

no rites of sacrifice,

no exercise in suffering-

you will suffer anyway,

also with this, do it

in grace.

when you are near my ashes

you can let memories come,

you can let them go

and stay silent with me.

you may cry, you may laugh,

you can smile but do not think.

please let no priest come to

forgive what you and i must forgive.

please no monologues

dripping euphemisms

nor too much sadness,

why, i will not be sad.

please no psychologists, analysis

makes you turn into pillars

of  salt, you turn back

to stay in the past.

please no philosophy

nor speculations on karma:

even for my urn

it will be too heavy

and i cannot carry

opinions and not even

tears  where i will be,

in the waste land

where all comes and goes

and where the seeds grow

for flowers

you cannot yet see

i do not search for heaven

nor nirvana, i will be light

released into the sea

of all our life and death.

i will listen closely,

closer than your ears

i will be there

and if i can i will smile.

do not explain death.

to live and to die

is your only way.

may you find peace.