forgetting is an art

not pushing all away, not fighting, but the release into freedom
by forgetting, it is an art. in an ironic way to see: a bit of conscious dementia
and foolishness is a condition for creativity and  joy.
relaxing is. relaxing comes with forgetting.
to forget what we do not need now and to forgive goes hand in hand.
or say it can do this.
i can do this.
just i have no words today. i am turning speechless.
i am so astonished, so surprised to see, to feel,  that love is there,
independent of frustration, shortcomings, misery.
my love cannot bend to be drowned by the moods of the one i love.
i feel her. i cannot change this at all.
i will not die underwater.
i breathe easily there.
i deeply dislike waiting, for long now. i try not to. i tried a lot.
i manage most times by now.
fulfillment, partnership, no, i expect nothing anymore.
this doesn't mean i do not wish it.
but i cannot spend my life waiting.
i offer possibilities, gates, more patience, acceptance
but i am not overjoyous. i fear to be.
it never has turned out to good over the last years.
i do worry, but less for me than for another.
i care. and though it is for running away,
i don't. i do best as i can.
this is what love does. it stays. i stay.
i cannot truly ask why.
because.
silentium.