still the heart a bird

still

the heart a bird,

broken-winged,

hopes for release,

needs to fly.

to rise above the

seeds of dandelion,
shimmering with light, 

above the smoke of fires.

above the stink and noise 

of men and cities, 

the wailing of newborns

and the terrors of war,

through words,

beyond the cage

in which all means nothing,

not only to birds.

i‘d tear off the bandages,

feel the pain, keep it mine,

fight and be free,

no fear to fail, to crash.

no bird fears the sky
nor to fly, no heart
fears love nor closeness,
only the human mind brings

torture, blocks the unfolding
of wonder, the growth of
weeds, stops and circles
in its own tracks, blind.

but still, being a man

i long for this kiss,

the falling away of

bonds, of language,

the doors to open,

the sky to come

as caress, the wild

wind to take us home,

the storm shaking

prophecies and signs,

destroying the paths,

uprooting the desert,

rains to wash the soul,

the earth, to soak in

my blood the seeds

of all what can be,

me neither human nor

bird nor i, 

me must be reborn

alone and not alone,

must die and be dream.

note:
though i learned better 
to stay with love
like an eagle in the wind,
i can be filled with doubt
of where i 'belong'.
in reflection and in the mirror of you
i see how much nothing means anything,
what i do, feel, think, say.
this makes me humble.
though i will stay vulnerable,
i grow stronger and stronger.
i wait for your often fickle heart
and your confusion, your ingenious muddled head 
to let go and clear and come. i can accept and love-
and also i know i can go away if you should cut
the newborn branches, 
they will be only cut for you but not for me.
i grow anyway, but this is not I.

since birth and maybe before i felt i do not belong here.
it is a strange feeling which i indeed share with
most western educated humans, probably even with many
domestic animals.
by now i feel much more home in the here and now 
which must be mine as it must,
it is neither place nor time.
and i'd like to share,
even if with seagulls and horses.
not in any language i learned.