rites of passage

leaving in-between
to be nowhere,
porous, still numb,
i sit, a candle flickers,

i listen to my heart,
my breath touching
something in a void,
you or me, gone.

ghosts come and go,
i know them, let them be,
all is to pass,
nothing to hold.

i read to you, to me,
voice near breaking,
i stumble, i fall,
nothing holds me,

nothing is right,
nothing is wrong,
i can hear me,
i forget who.

i let all go,
all comes back
and all noise
is so loud in silence.

do i feel pain?
i don't know.
not to know,
not to define,

but it must be me
who sits at the edge,
listening, listening,
the candle flickers.

and i wonder who
i will be
when i break the
cocoon i have spun.

i cannot feel you,
i have missed you
until i left
missing you.

what i let go,
what i give away,
it comes back in
waves of  pain.

rites of passage,
a candle, a voice,
a place i don't know,
i broke the flow

and rivers take me,
maybe to islands,
maybe to the sea,
here i sit and breathe,

here i grow dreams,
roots, leaves and rings,
all i have found
is rites of passage