sleepless interim, diary note

went to bed not so late. slept two hours.

in the evening after being where i am well and most of the time relaxed

in a temporary acceptance of present circumstances and with enough joy

i started to fall asleep in a restaurant. i see it was not nice for the person present, but it happened just like that out of the blue. the interpretation that i want to be alone is near unbearable as all interpretations are out of my context and taken into another. we had a bad moment. 

i woke shivering and hot with a sunburn including my bald head , a thing which i cannot remember having had for yeears.

on top of it diarrhoea. i feel ill and with her frightened for being ill. she could not even once deal with me or care for me or at least leave me space when i was unwell. all needs a psychological interpretation and hundred questions. i have no idea how i will be tomorrow and what i will hear on it.

after all it is a difficult inter-being anyway and i will have maybe never have room for my need for softness, care , love and relaxed and at times playful intimacy. there is no idea nor role nor expectectation in me. i only know when i don't get peace today to get well again i must leave even if i hardly can.

hardly does not mean impossible.

i don't really want to, maybe she surprises me.

maybe i suprise me and fall asleep again.

quote, article, see link

“I’m sitting in a field of sadness,” I said to him. I was a tiny bit pleased by my poetic expression. I thought we might talk about it, rooting out the cause, and apply a kind of treatment.
“When you’re sad, be sad,” he said. And that was all he said. I confess I found it abrupt, considering my experience with other kinds of counselors. He didn’t criticize me, he didn’t correct me, he just didn’t dwell.

http://www.lionsroar.com/karen-mazen-millers-the-laundry-line-be-sad/?goal=0_1988ee44b2-d53265c409-22284457&mc_cid=d53265c409&mc_eid=83cbb78504

Eissturmvogel

    i take him into sleep, one time in my 

    life i watched them for hours each 

    day, for weeks..

Be still,LaoTzu

Be still. Stilness reveals the secrets of eternity.

Lao Tzu

now...

is this true? and ..do i want to busy myself with eternity?

Laziness for now is another way of intelligence, to let be and try not only to accept but to enjoy.

to be still means to be attentive, to listen.

to see.

this is good enough. eternity is an idea.

or..is the translation from chinese incorrect?

don't know.