I am tired now

I am tired now
maybe of all
or nothing

I am tired
to see the wheels
turn and turn

and crush the wheat,
the rye, the flesh,
the soul,the moment

I am tired
to watch beauty
as if it could be
permanent,
it runs out with my blood

I am tired
to find happiness
i cannot bear it
as I know it will go
and leave and die

I am tired of words
and thoughts and plans
I am tired of all
or nothing at all

I am here
alone but here
with my cat
who had a walk
with me to the local pub

a courageous fellow
who does not like
to be on his own,
he risks to walk
with me all the way

there is a bird in my brain
and it wants to fly
sky high
and low across the grass
and the foam of the sea

and there is an eye
and i want to walk inside
and listen to the wind,
the breath of the stars.
the unfathomable universe

I am tired
of  cold love,
indifferent rivers,
detached feeling, self control.
it transforms me to stone

I am here
a calm lake, deep and dark,
I burn and I shimmer
and smoke fills the forest.
but I will stay clear
as flowing water

I am here,
I am tired of wisdom
without kindness,
as kindness is wisdom.
I am here.
Kind.

I am here,
drunk and kind.
drunk of life,
drunk of death,
silent with words.

I am tired
of me.
I wish to share,
I reach out with
a scent of of love
and daffodils

I purr with my cat,
and i want to give
the trees and the green,
the growing, the rich fields,
the blue skies, the grass
to my one and only love.

I am music,
and I want to dance.
Come, feel the light,
then i will sleep.
And you will.