another letter not to be read

nobody even dares, nobody can: to talk to me as if i was an  insect ready for vivisection.

a non-identity, 

strange and quite curious to take to pieces. 

it doesn't feel very good and it is demoralizing.

for me, it is a pointless torture to suffer.

for the explorer a never ending work to be done, an effort to understand the mechanics of my universe.

i let it happen to a point, a sharp point as fine and as painful as the tip of a needle because i accept  when we meet we must be true and naked.

i cannot truly love you as long as i cannot reach , am not given access and cannot understand the needs and drive, as long as no door opens between words and being.

though i may feel your essence and long for it, i may have to stay

away forever. 

howsoever, i move out of these unstable orbits,  the restless mind, the peaceful mind, out of quiet moonlit lakes and out of solitude, i move out and meet. i dare.

i only touch, hardly, then i may again pull my skin across my head, my ears, my eyes. 

i am naked now, i even shed the skin, your voice comes deep in the inside of me,

it echoes and reverberates like a hoarse flute in a cavern mingling with the delightful shrieks of small bats flying allover.

you are not there to wipe away my loneliness, 

and i do not come here to look for more of it.

i come not only to share the last rays of sun.

when you want nothing, you  want too much.

i want to listen to the voice of silence,

deep into the shells from oceans unnamed,

now,

together  with you.

and it may be necessary to shout to be heard,

at first, maybe.

or to whisper, so you have to take care.

only please, please do never think anymore that you are not unique to me .

stop this circle of paranoia, this spiral of mutual frustration , together with me.

i cannot breathe. 

i feel no flow now.

i am an old man in the shadows of this night here, and this night

appears endless as all nights do by now.

i was not invited, i am alone, i am one, i am now, and there is not much time.

i am here wheresoever it is, at home with myself. this must be enough.

i have no other place to go.

and there is the sound of the sea.

it swallows all, nothing makes a difference.