Joan Baez Peter Schickele Baptism medley 1968

another black day.

all what i do here is irrelevant. it is creating a world around me into which i can retire and where i can recreate.i could just as well go for a walk and talk to the neighbours or to the lady taking my money in the supermarket. what happens happens, and i cannot deny my awareness. today wish i could re-create but i can only be here and listen and wonder .a bad day for all of us. troops marching here and a civilian plane brought down there. all of this and more: so much wasted life. such an insult to reason. such a torture for the heart. where is this "love" we are all talking about? what is stronger, the fire of destruction or the passion of birth and creation, the clouds of hate and greed or the sword of reason? what is stronger, in the long run, the pen or the guns? i spent an evening with friends. but in spite of tiredness, i am sad now. are we humans human, is all this what we call human? then....i really don't know just now. if 'they' are stupid, then 'i' am. and somehow: i don't want to be like this. but i know: my thoughts and words are nothing, just thoughts and words

i am free

i am free

i am the river
i flow
and
i am here

i am the forest,
i whisper,
the wind tickles
my tongue,
words

listen
the jay bird calls
and
the hunter
holds his step

diary, July 15th

your doctor's quote for today: in spite of all the lies i have to hear, truly amidst confusion, suffering and chaos, i have survived as a human and as a spiritual being. i still am near, not only with empathy but with compassion. i am alive. i have failed my children and women more often when they needed me. i have mistreated myself. this is where my borders are these last few years. so please, dear patients, don't try to hurl me out of me into your universe. i will not follow. i will only walk next to you, and i will not carry you.