Sunday, July 31, 2016
Saturday, July 30, 2016
my crows are asleep
my crows are asleep,
i am happy
tonight
George Gurdjieff ,Circles
the fourth path...not the path of the fakir, the monk , the yogi,
a path which does not neglect the complexity of a human,
not put one over the other for freedom..it sounds good.
i somehow feel i don't need Gurdjieff to see my own way.
he led a fascinating life, for sure, i re-read on it.
what i personally like best is his and de Hartmann's music.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Gurdjieff: Teacher of Radical Transformation (re-re-vised post )
..."to feel beauty, to feel truth, that is self-remembering.
self-remembering is the awareness of the presence of God."
for sure i like this very much...
well. i have to digest it more. i looked a lot into Gurdjieff.
i saw he was quite an authoritarian man.
and i still dislike the use of higher and lower. my main critic on
many esoteric teachings as this language stems from a language of master and slave.
interiorized it does the same as Christianity, it makes us subject to domination by whatsoever.
and more often than not by whomsoever.
this can only be wrong in my personal view.
is it not more to find a way "nearer" to the heart and perception freed from patterns
going out of the noise of greed, convention, immediate need and confusion,
to fill our and others life with true, kind and mindful presence?
not to be higher or better than others, not to disregard ourselves and others
but to find what we see as good and to radiate light from inside through us and
other beings?
this has nothing to do with general definitions and classification at all.
it is not a matter of language but rather of getting rid of it in many ways.
of course we will try to develop certain qualities, one can say that, finding them
more valuable than others- this doesn't allow for describing a hierarchical general system
in which body, soul, emotion, suffering, helplessness are lower and spirit is higher:
this kind of description will again alienate us from ourselves
and create neglection of the gift of life.
i try to say:
when we can see that there is no self although we are bound to experience self
it is not the right way to develop self into "higher" but to find a way
through all estrangement, reaction and daily life "nearer" to the heart and truth of being a human.
when we would use high and low as for the frequencies of sound and notes it will be ok for me.
here we do not see the higher note as "better" than the lower note, they all go together
and can be present together in rhythms, proportions and patterns we call music
- including the pauses. music feels to me at times like the secret of true vision.
for any other being on earth such as a flower we wouldn't discern better and worse parts.
for humans walking with consciousness and with the gift and task to make buddha light
and kindness shining through awareness, self consciousness, reflections and acts
we tend to define lower and higher. we do this because we have also been given thought
which digests memory and i know what happens with digestion.
what we should mean is essence and periphery, concentration and dispersion,
rhythm and dissonance, dense and transparent- all inside the flow of love-
we are made of and belong in all parts to all parts of the universe which do and does
not exist as or in parts - same as music.
i see us rather as dots of spirit and matter which is in essence the same though we cannot see it easily,
dots or musical notes expanding and contracting as concentrated energy
of which each part which is not a part radiates through the others which are not parts -
and all rests in and comes out of the one energy and light and frequency and music
which is incomprehensible, we may call it god or buddha light or what we can
see. but we are not really dots. this is but a poor image. here we are blind when we talk or write
but we can feel and see and listen inside.
and it is not a "higher" path to free one's mind and soul to see and to do this in daily life,
to be modest, to be kind, to see our deepest relatedness and singularity
as well as the irrelevance of this singularity in the face of
death, life, truth and love- it is a good path, a true path, a way of liberation and joy
and not better in comparison to any other but for the one who walks and persists
nearer to his or her heart.
it can be an intelligent and compassionate travel through the growth of our life and dying,
it opens space through awareness, presence and mindfulness.
because it is better for us doesn't make us better per se than other humans.
it just can be possible to reach a state or states out of which we can give and receive more easily,
nothing will be gained by seeing an aim or an idea of how to be and strife for it.
no outward flow of value will be possible as long as we are busy with our ego in this way,
and all we have to do is to set aside ego, really sit aside, again and again all the more easily as ego
exists only in our own imagination and noise and in the response and reactions from our fellow
human beings.
this is so often so difficult to do: it must be the way of the heart or none.
it is not just a technique or a discipline or an esoteric method.
enlightenment which cannot not reach out and give and be
and work through life is not true, just another hallucination.
note: to give is not an aim,
but to transform into living nearer the heart without fear makes giving possible.
i try associative approaches. and must digest more.
my critic on definitions does not mean i cannot appreciate Gurdjieff's work.
though i feel that all context which can appear dogma has to go under the sword
first before i can go back to the essence.
ps: my associations are maybe too naive and poetic.
this happens when thinking about the unthinkable.
i forgot darkness and what we call the bad in our world.
acidly good:
no comment:
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Sweet Honey In the Rock,Testimony
There's godlike
And warlike
And strong
Like only some show
And there's sad like
And madlike
And had
Like we know
But by my life be I spirit
And by my heart be I woman
And by my eyes be I open
And by my hands be I whole
They say slowly
Brings the least shock
But no matter how slow I walk
There are traces
Empty spaces
And doors and doors of locks
But by my life be I spirit
And by my heart be I woman
And by my eyes be I open
And by my hands be I whole
You young ones
You're the next ones
And I hope you choose it well
Though you try hard
You may fall prey
To the jaded jewel
But by your lives be you spirit
And by your hearts be you women
And by your eyes be you open
And by your hands be you whole
Listen, there are waters
Hidden from us
In the maze we find them still
We'll take you to them
You take your young ones
May they take their own in turn
But by our lives be we spirit
And by our hearts be we women
And by our eyes be we open
And by our hands be we whole.
walking between re-flect-ion and meditation
now i am not so very busy with "self" as this is an egocentric job.
to be an egoist is ok enough.
i walk around and drive and work, here in alive exchange with others,
there in half sleep and in between reflecting and meditating
a lot of my time.
reflection...not so much a mirror, more of a prism,
and it goes in a talking inside , forms thoughts and words, makes me write,
sometimes-
then i let it all drop as on water, watch the rings spread and meditate
already having forgotten what i was thinking about. it feels good.
in the end i wish i could do it with all on which/whom i re-flect
and which/who re-flects on me,
and in between i can.
just to watch rings expanding...so nice. silence. so delicious.
to be an egoist is ok enough.
i walk around and drive and work, here in alive exchange with others,
there in half sleep and in between reflecting and meditating
a lot of my time.
reflection...not so much a mirror, more of a prism,
and it goes in a talking inside , forms thoughts and words, makes me write,
sometimes-
then i let it all drop as on water, watch the rings spread and meditate
already having forgotten what i was thinking about. it feels good.
in the end i wish i could do it with all on which/whom i re-flect
and which/who re-flects on me,
and in between i can.
just to watch rings expanding...so nice. silence. so delicious.
Do Buddhists believe in a soul?, lionsroar.com- reflection,associations,thoughts
http://www.lionsroar.com/do-buddhists-believe-in-a-soul/?goal=0_1988ee44b2-2416f18c65-22284457&mc_cid=2416f18c65&mc_eid=83cbb78504
"The short answer is no. In fact, this is the defining premise of Buddhism and one of the main things that differentiates it from other religions. In ancient Hinduism, the soul was called the atman and the basic Buddhist view was described as anatman—no soul.
A soul is considered to be something at our core that is single, independent, and unchanging. This isn’t just a religious belief; deep down, we all believe we have a soul. When I feel hurt, I must believe there is a separate “me” that is being hurt. In that sense, soul, self, and ego all refer to the same thing—our belief in a single, independent, and unchanging “me,” whether mundane or transcendent.
The Buddha said that all phenomena—including us—are conditioned, and all conditioned phenomena are impermanent. Far from being single, independent, and unchanging, we are made up of many parts, a product of causes and conditions, and constantly changing.
Yet Buddhism does say we have an essential nature that transcends conditioned or material existence. In the Mahayana, this is called buddhanature, the open expanse of awakeness in which all good qualities reside.
Is this just another version of a soul? Well, it is if you think of it that way—if you try to identify yourself with it. But in reality, buddhanature is said to be empty of all concepts of self and identity, as well as birth, death, time, space, etc. To be anatman, if you will."
first reflections:
i think i have have been thinking or more reflecting on this for all my life since youth.
i am not at all interested in "belief", and i never was.
i cannot see the definition of soul and me , of self and ego as given here for true or say correct.
no deep thinker in our time will see the soul or "me" as something unchanging, independent and single.
cognitive science shows us how much consciousness and self are changing and forming from moment to moment along experience, C.G.Jung showed us "the" soul as connecting to the collective unconscious, and i cannot see it as independent but as existing in inter-being. in a socio-cultural context soul is a spongy definition containing the realm of emotions, relatedness to life and death, intuition, deep feeling, desire, longing, love between man and woman, the innocent state of small children, and this what we call heart and pureness inside giving us space to unfold in feeling, action and dream. Spongy i must call it as everybody will find another definition for himself or herself and even different contexts in different cultures and languages.
soul is not buddha nature AND it can be filled with it. When we see in the eyes of a dog or a small child we see soul. Alternatively i could say: the soul - when silent from the noise and struggle of individuation- is the sphere in which the Buddha nature can be present and through which kindness and compassion can radiate.
soul is life flowing not only as a river but even in a river and it is a river.
the part about the essential nature and awakeness i see the same.
alas, we are all individuated beings, even dogs who may not be conscious of it, and in inter-being and with growth our souls can be clouded with sadness and a feeling of alienation or filled with true light and space in varying proportions.
soul i could like to say is a field of consciousness and feeling in which we can meet with stones, plants, animals, nature and other individuated humans, it is inside and in between at the same time, a flow of energy through which we being humans can find a way to buddha nature or to hell.
soul exists because of individuation and in between for all relationships be it with animals, children, adults -and it is in itself an unconscious or maybe better non-thinking state of being, containing innocence and experience , beauty and wings to fly.
being too is always moving and changing, and soul is a basic energy in individual life and death.
nothing is fixed, and belief like this stated above distracts exactly from this, it puts itself in contradiction to itself and moves away from what could have been intended to communicate: we are all given an essence which makes us all relatives, and this is pure and independent of belief, society, culture and the needs of the day.
Buddha didn't "believe" and belief has nothing to do with Buddhism.
I guess in some ways Buddhism was for religion what Marxism meant for our analysis of society and history: a revolution. Revolutions should not be fixed after into dogma.
I am rather interested in the post-revolutionary outcome.
Everybody is to find a perspective on how to be alive and to die and on how to act in the light of what i may call the way of the heart which is far beyond simple definition and words.
I guess in some ways Buddhism was for religion what Marxism meant for our analysis of society and history: a revolution. Revolutions should not be fixed after into dogma.
I am rather interested in the post-revolutionary outcome.
Everybody is to find a perspective on how to be alive and to die and on how to act in the light of what i may call the way of the heart which is far beyond simple definition and words.
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
os cosmonautas
islands in the sky,
the cosmonauts,
insulated ,
two mummies
floating in space,
weightless,
both breathe air
through tubes.
i ring
"hello, hello Earth",
"give me Alice".
earth connects
me through
another satellite
to Alice
in her orbit
so far away.
distance and time
muffle our words.
we started to feel
words as precious
in this vastness
where we are alone.
we don't say all
but save the taste
of voice
and presence
we hear us
breathing in
closed systems,
recycling molecules
and i want out
and near, i know
i cannot
now.
the cosmonauts,
insulated ,
two mummies
floating in space,
weightless,
both breathe air
through tubes.
i ring
"hello, hello Earth",
"give me Alice".
earth connects
me through
another satellite
to Alice
in her orbit
so far away.
distance and time
muffle our words.
we started to feel
words as precious
in this vastness
where we are alone.
we don't say all
but save the taste
of voice
and presence
we hear us
breathing in
closed systems,
recycling molecules
and i want out
and near, i know
i cannot
now.
CANCIÓN DE LA MARIPOSA,, F.G.Lorca, Amancio Prada
CANCIÓN DE LA MARIPOSA
Federico Garcia Lorca
Volaré por el hilo de plata.
Mis hijos me esperan,
allá en los campos lejanos,
hilando en sus ruecas.
Mis hijos me esperan,
allá en los campos lejanos,
hilando en sus ruecas.
Volaré por el hilo de plata.
Yo soy el espíritu de la seda.
Vengo de un arca misteriosa
y voy hacia la niebla.
Yo soy el espíritu de la seda.
Vengo de un arca misteriosa
y voy hacia la niebla.
Que cante la araña en su cueva,
la araña, en su cueva.
la araña, en su cueva.
Que el ruiseñor medite mi leyenda,
que la gota de lluvia se asombra,
al resbalar sobre mis alas muertas.
que la gota de lluvia se asombra,
al resbalar sobre mis alas muertas.
Soy la muerte y la belleza
Hilé mi corazón sobre mi carne
para rezar en las tinieblas,
y la Muerte me dio dos alas blancas,
pero cegó la fuente de mi seda.
para rezar en las tinieblas,
y la Muerte me dio dos alas blancas,
pero cegó la fuente de mi seda.
Ahora comprendo el lamentar del agua,
y el lamentar de las estrellas,
y el lamentar del viento en la montaña,
y el zumbido punzante de la abeja.
y el lamentar de las estrellas,
y el lamentar del viento en la montaña,
y el zumbido punzante de la abeja.
Porque soy la muerte y la belleza.
la muerte y la belleza.
la muerte y la belleza.
Lo que dice la nieve sobre el prado
lo repite la hoguera;
las canciones del humo en la mañana
las dicen las raíces bajo tierra.
lo repite la hoguera;
las canciones del humo en la mañana
las dicen las raíces bajo tierra.
Volaré por el hilo de plata;
Mis hijos me esperan.
Vengo de un arca misteriosa
y voy hacia la niebla.
Mis hijos me esperan.
Vengo de un arca misteriosa
y voy hacia la niebla.
Que cante la araña en su cueva.
la araña en su cueva
la araña en su cueva
Que el ruiseñor medite mi leyenda,
que la gota de lluvia se asombre
al resbalar sobre mis alas muertas.
que la gota de lluvia se asombre
al resbalar sobre mis alas muertas.
Soy la muerte y la belleza
Y que cante la araña en su cueva
la araña en su cueva
la araña en su cueva
Que el ruiseñor medite mi leyenda,
que la gota de lluvia se asombra,
al resbalar sobre mis alas muertas.
que la gota de lluvia se asombra,
al resbalar sobre mis alas muertas.
Soy la muerte y la belleza
Monday, July 25, 2016
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Jaimeo Brown Transcendence , Be So Glad (Official video)
more nice noise....finding all this music today i feel walking through
it...
On Giving, Khalil Gibran
On Giving
Kahlil Gibran
You give but little when you give of your possessions.Kahlil Gibran
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?
And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?
And what is fear of need but need itself?
Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, the thirst that is unquenchable?
There are those who give little of the much which they have--and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.
It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;
And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.
And is there aught you would withhold?
All you have shall some day be given;
Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'.
You often say, "I would give, but only to the deserving."
The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.
They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.
Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights, is worthy of all else from you.
And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.
And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?
And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?
See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.
For in truth it is life that gives unto life while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.
And you receivers... and you are all receivers... assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.
Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;
For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the freehearted earth for mother, and God for father.
On Time, Khalil Gibran
On Time
And an astronomer said, "Master, what of Time?"
And he answered:You would measure time the measureless and the immeasurable.
You would adjust your conduct and even direct the course of your spirit according to hours and seasons.
Of time you would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch its flowing.
Yet the timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness,
And knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream.
And that that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space.
Who among you does not feel that his power to love is boundless?
And yet who does not feel that very love, though boundless, encompassed within the centre of his being, and moving not form love thought to love thought, nor from love deeds to other love deeds?
And is not time even as love is, undivided and placeless?
But if in you thought you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all the other seasons,
And let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing.
Alice, we are breathing, July 2016
July 2016, breathing
with each breath in
i breathe you
and you me.
we breathe
we breathe the scent
of Genghis' steppes,
her ashes ,1431,
Jeanne d'Arc,
sand from the deserts,
thousands of years,
we breathe all
who died
and we breath
all alive,
we breathe dust
of long dead stars
we are a link
in a long chain,
we recycle
all beings
and all
recycle us
dead or alive
in this together
aware of
molecules of you
through the noise
of mind and past:
i talk to you-
please
breathe in my ear
and sleep
tonight.
tomorrow
we will walk,
be silent and talk.
with each breath in
i breathe you
and you me.
we breathe
we breathe the scent
of Genghis' steppes,
her ashes ,1431,
Jeanne d'Arc,
sand from the deserts,
thousands of years,
we breathe all
who died
and we breath
all alive,
we breathe dust
of long dead stars
we are a link
in a long chain,
we recycle
all beings
and all
recycle us
dead or alive
in this together
aware of
molecules of you
through the noise
of mind and past:
i talk to you-
please
breathe in my ear
and sleep
tonight.
tomorrow
we will walk,
be silent and talk.
I Am a Rock, Paul Simon
of course...no one is a rock..
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
self-protection, quotes rom lionsroar
quotes from: http://www.lionsroar.com/the-4-noble-truths-of-emotional-suffering/?utm_source=Lion%27s+Roar+Newsletter&utm_campaign=21e4659219-LR_Weekend_Read_July_21_20167_21_2016&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_1988ee44b2-21e4659219-22284457&goal=0_1988ee44b2-21e4659219-22284457&mc_cid=21e4659219&mc_eid=83cbb78504
"Many of us recognize that our emotions are out of control—or in control of us. We long for close, intimate relationships with others, but our feelings are often so overpowering that we can’t find the way to open up to others and relate to their experience.
Because we are so focused on how we feel, we may become self-protective and defensive, constantly worried that others will hurt or take advantage of us. These feelings of self-protection can be part of an ongoing emotional cycle, feeding even stronger emotional reactions that cause chaos in our minds and in our interpersonal relationships."
...
"We suffer because we continually choose to identify with and focus on how we feel. But identifying with our emotions is like throwing fuel on a fire. "
__________________________________________________________
emotions speak through the body, thoughts speak in words.
we cannot live without emotions, body, thought and probably not
without words forever.
in a love relationship with myself or with for me a woman,
to see me and to see her i need to take a distance to my feeling and emotions
in between.
it is not about control nor about negation, it is about the
transformation and opening of self, about giving way to life
and space.
we can love another one only when we are ready to love ourselves
and when we are open to be loved, to let love happen and flow freely.
this is all.
and somehow so often so very much difficult.
i walk through my days in good and in bad.
i persist as much as i can in my own way,
a way in which i try to find and give the heart
of life as pure as i can.
i am a western educated man with an identity
which is a different one as when i would have had my
childhood in Tibet.
for my consciousness i had to stand against concepts
foreign to the soul, follow rules which i wanted to break and broke,
question and analyze and deconstruct everything i heard, saw and read,
all what was "put" into me.
it formed and forms along the experience of life in this society, of my body,
my emotions, longing and frustration. it changed and changes
with continuous narration and invention of a self and even lies to myself,
it is nothing fixed nor is it transparent.
and it babbles a lot, often it is hard to see through the noise.
i learned to follow true feeling and see it as right,
and i see it also as right to relax and change perspective.
i cannot deny my needs forever and i can.
i cannot deny that i have a child in me
who wants to be loved, looks for protection, warmth
and welcome and embrace-and i can.
i cannot deny that i am a man in love and i can.
i can: for love or more so because of it.
so, these are two 'matters'.
one is to take a distance to self to see the other.
one is that without love all looks pale and meaningless.
__________________________________________________________
emotions speak through the body, thoughts speak in words.
we cannot live without emotions, body, thought and probably not
without words forever.
in a love relationship with myself or with for me a woman,
to see me and to see her i need to take a distance to my feeling and emotions
in between.
it is not about control nor about negation, it is about the
transformation and opening of self, about giving way to life
and space.
we can love another one only when we are ready to love ourselves
and when we are open to be loved, to let love happen and flow freely.
this is all.
and somehow so often so very much difficult.
i walk through my days in good and in bad.
i persist as much as i can in my own way,
a way in which i try to find and give the heart
of life as pure as i can.
i am a western educated man with an identity
which is a different one as when i would have had my
childhood in Tibet.
for my consciousness i had to stand against concepts
foreign to the soul, follow rules which i wanted to break and broke,
question and analyze and deconstruct everything i heard, saw and read,
all what was "put" into me.
it formed and forms along the experience of life in this society, of my body,
my emotions, longing and frustration. it changed and changes
with continuous narration and invention of a self and even lies to myself,
it is nothing fixed nor is it transparent.
and it babbles a lot, often it is hard to see through the noise.
i learned to follow true feeling and see it as right,
and i see it also as right to relax and change perspective.
i cannot deny my needs forever and i can.
i cannot deny that i have a child in me
who wants to be loved, looks for protection, warmth
and welcome and embrace-and i can.
i cannot deny that i am a man in love and i can.
i can: for love or more so because of it.
so, these are two 'matters'.
one is to take a distance to self to see the other.
one is that without love all looks pale and meaningless.
e.e. cummings, quote, "to be nobody but yourself"
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
the handbag
when a woman
enters with a flush
on her throat
and a sore chin
maybe
she was intimate
with a hedgehog
or maybe she
had some liquor
or just
cosmetic treatment.
the face too
is private parts,
we shouldn’t ask
but can smile
when she pulls
a hedgehog
out of her
uncompromising
handbag
light and space
as there is no beyond
but all is through
and through
true
as there is no later
but all is now
and now
one
as a rainbow
is a rainbow
and not
a word
there is light
without words,
and thought
is shadow
and space
is born
with the inside
of the heart.
life, death
and love
follow
no concept
for a naked
eye
all is
essence
and no song
nor dream
will translate
a kiss.
but all is through
and through
true
as there is no later
but all is now
and now
one
as a rainbow
is a rainbow
and not
a word
there is light
without words,
and thought
is shadow
and space
is born
with the inside
of the heart.
life, death
and love
follow
no concept
for a naked
eye
all is
essence
and no song
nor dream
will translate
a kiss.
Saturday, July 23, 2016
to be open vs. integrity: the question of 'love' arriving
i will use she and her when i could say another person.
another person is not really "true".
long and not so long ago meeting i suddenly noticed : i am in love.
it shocked me, i didn't want it, then i felt elated with spaces opening
and at the same time a well founded fear.
and i opened all of me bit by bit, i was to welcome her.
it is always hard to see another person as she is:
at this point, this moment, with her past, in the flux of her own life,
depression, joy and craziness and day to day life.
by now it is more about time and space closing for me.
it is about me keeping my integrity.
me too, i am who i am, my soul, my mind, my past, my
calendar, my experience and my craziness.
i see we are very different and very related at the same time.
this i see as valuable.
the second could have brought as closer and the first can make us share.
our intentions from inside appear non-meeting anymore.
i said why keep up writing and ritual when we can meet and bear each other
only for 3 days. she said she cannot influence what and how i feel.
'something' came to a stop. though not a thing.
it may be temporary or a sign for an end.
i don't really know at all.
we all react. when i see a stone i may have time to
see and feel the stone, in the end i will step over or aside.
so it may be a reaction, not so permanent.
but i felt too much evasion and refusal and went through too many
ways to see me and my intention and person in ways in which
i do not wish to see myself.
it is not a relaxing way to be together, rules, borders,
conditions, evasion.
i may indeed fade away.
we are to each other how we act not how we feel.
i am quite conscious of this.
i am not her friend and will not be.
i have been in love for too long.
i have loved her and still can
but i cannot do this alone.
i love her essence and miss her for it.
and i miss how we could be together
in a silent peace.
i have found me and will stay with me, this is integrity
born out of experience and the will to survive the best way.
i wish to invite her in me and in the circles of days and nights
with me.
i don't see how this invitation will be carried by the postman.
these words mean nothing, only reflections, shadows on a river.
another person is not really "true".
long and not so long ago meeting i suddenly noticed : i am in love.
it shocked me, i didn't want it, then i felt elated with spaces opening
and at the same time a well founded fear.
and i opened all of me bit by bit, i was to welcome her.
it is always hard to see another person as she is:
at this point, this moment, with her past, in the flux of her own life,
depression, joy and craziness and day to day life.
by now it is more about time and space closing for me.
it is about me keeping my integrity.
me too, i am who i am, my soul, my mind, my past, my
calendar, my experience and my craziness.
i see we are very different and very related at the same time.
this i see as valuable.
the second could have brought as closer and the first can make us share.
our intentions from inside appear non-meeting anymore.
i said why keep up writing and ritual when we can meet and bear each other
only for 3 days. she said she cannot influence what and how i feel.
'something' came to a stop. though not a thing.
it may be temporary or a sign for an end.
i don't really know at all.
we all react. when i see a stone i may have time to
see and feel the stone, in the end i will step over or aside.
so it may be a reaction, not so permanent.
but i felt too much evasion and refusal and went through too many
ways to see me and my intention and person in ways in which
i do not wish to see myself.
it is not a relaxing way to be together, rules, borders,
conditions, evasion.
i may indeed fade away.
we are to each other how we act not how we feel.
i am quite conscious of this.
i am not her friend and will not be.
i have been in love for too long.
i have loved her and still can
but i cannot do this alone.
i love her essence and miss her for it.
and i miss how we could be together
in a silent peace.
i have found me and will stay with me, this is integrity
born out of experience and the will to survive the best way.
i wish to invite her in me and in the circles of days and nights
with me.
i don't see how this invitation will be carried by the postman.
these words mean nothing, only reflections, shadows on a river.
John Donohue, Beauty:The Invisible Embrace
quotes:
We live between the act of awakening and the act of surrender. Each morning we awaken to the light and the invitation to a new day in the world of time; each night we surrender to the dark to be taken to play in the world of dreams where time is no more. At birth we were awakened and emerged to become visible in the world. At death we will surrender again to the dark to become invisible. Awakening and surrender: they frame each day and each life; between them the journey where anything can happen, the beauty and the frailty.
Without any of the usual calculation, we can slip into the Beautiful with the same ease as we slip into the seamless embrace of water; something ancient within us already trusts that this embrace will hold us.
"There is a lovely disarray that comes with attraction. When you find yourself deeply attracted to someone, you gradually begin to lose your grip on the frames that order your life. Indeed, much of your life becomes blurred as that countenance comes into clearer focus. A relentless magnet draws all your thoughts towards it. Wherever you are, you find yourself thinking about the one who has become the horizon of your longing. When you are together, time becomes unmercifully swift. It always ends too soon. No sooner have you parted than you are already imagining your next meeting, counting the hours. The magnetic draw of that presence renders you delightfully helpless. A stranger you never knew until recently has invaded your mind; every fibre of your being longs to be closer."
We live between the act of awakening and the act of surrender. Each morning we awaken to the light and the invitation to a new day in the world of time; each night we surrender to the dark to be taken to play in the world of dreams where time is no more. At birth we were awakened and emerged to become visible in the world. At death we will surrender again to the dark to become invisible. Awakening and surrender: they frame each day and each life; between them the journey where anything can happen, the beauty and the frailty.
Without any of the usual calculation, we can slip into the Beautiful with the same ease as we slip into the seamless embrace of water; something ancient within us already trusts that this embrace will hold us.
"There is a lovely disarray that comes with attraction. When you find yourself deeply attracted to someone, you gradually begin to lose your grip on the frames that order your life. Indeed, much of your life becomes blurred as that countenance comes into clearer focus. A relentless magnet draws all your thoughts towards it. Wherever you are, you find yourself thinking about the one who has become the horizon of your longing. When you are together, time becomes unmercifully swift. It always ends too soon. No sooner have you parted than you are already imagining your next meeting, counting the hours. The magnetic draw of that presence renders you delightfully helpless. A stranger you never knew until recently has invaded your mind; every fibre of your being longs to be closer."
"Eros can take many forms. Sometimes it can be slow, subtle and indirect, building quietly without anyone else even suspecting. Sometimes it can come at you."
"It is always astonishing how love can strike. No context is love-proof, no convention or commitment impervious. Even a lifestyle which is perfectly insulated, where the personality is controlled, all the days ordered and all actions in sequence, can to its own dismay find that an unexpected spark has landed; it begins to smoulder until it is finally unquenchable. The force of Eros always brings disturbance; in the concealed terrain of the human heart Eros remains a light sleeper".
"Huge differences may separate us, yet they are exactly what draw us to each other. It is as though forged together we form one presence, for each of us has half of a language that the other seeks. When we approach each other and become one, a new fluency comes alive. A lost world retrieves itself when our words build a new circle. While the call to each other is exciting and intoxicating in its bond of attraction, it is exceptionally complex and tender and, handled indelicately, can bring incredible pain. We can awaken in each other possibilities beyond our wildest dreams. The conversation of togetherness is a primal and indeed perennial conversation. Despite the thousands of years of human interaction, it all begins anew, as if for the first time, when two people fall in love. The force of their encounter makes a real clearance; through the power of Eros they discover the beauty in each other. Stretching the power of Eros they discover the beauty in each other. Stretching across the distance towards each other, they begin to awaken all the primal echoes where nothing can be presumed but almost everything can be expected."
"One could write a philosophy of beauty using the family of concepts which includes glimpse, glance, touch, taste and whisper, all of which suggest a special style of attention which is patient and reverent, content with a suggestion or a clue and then willing through its own imagination to fill out the invitation to beauty."
"The instinct, rhythm and radiance of the human body come alive vividly when we make love. We slip down into a more ancient penumbral rhythm where the wisdom of the body claims its own grace, ease and joy. The act of love is rich in symbolism and ambivalence. It arises on that temporary, total threshold between solitude and intimacy, skin and soul, feeling and thought, memory and future. When it is a real expression of love, it can become an act of great beauty which brings celebration, wonder, delight, closeness and shelter. The old notion of the soul being hidden somewhere deep within the body serves only to intensify the loneliness of the love act as the attempt of two solitudes to bridge their distance. However, when we understand that the body is in the soul, intimacy and union seem unavoidable because the soul as the radiance of the body is already entwined with the lover."
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