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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Loneliness sucks: what can I give?

Yes, it sucks. I feel ok. I am proud,
I managed to go for my fitness training after another 12 hours work again.

Fuck the snow. Fuck loneliness. I am tired.
I am tired of men, of women, of children, I am fed up with any kind of human being.

I must be stone deaf to all complaining, quarrelling, I don't notice foul smells, wrong smiles, and only far away do I see all these words tumbling down a gorge.

O , these words, they look like a flock of dead sparrows, they fall down far away like small and crumbling brown leaves, and they fly away like tiny dusty turds, a sparkling whirling speck of dried up shit going down the Lord's own hell.

It is all hopeless. All these horrible beings blown up with their very own fucking importance, some of them near to exploding. This will be when the shit hits the fan? It certainly will not hit me, I'll just turn them quickly out of my door.

The minds are turned, the milk has turned, and I am not turned on.

Where are you, where is your loving magic, your warmth,
your arms around my wounded heart?
Where is the song of your voice, the cool breeze of your breath?

What could I give you?

I feel dead again, and I feel guilty about complaining.
Feeling guilty doesn't help at all. Ok, then I don't feel guilty.

But what do I want? And what can I dream of now?

At last, I'll probably dream of exploding shitty persons, poisonous fat green frogs flying across the "Biosphaere", whoooosh, boom,one down again, oozing green liquid allover the snow and the dirt and the fucked up "Muensingen" minds.

Fun, fun, fun.
I must feel good.