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Thursday, March 30, 2017

walks in Lisboa


afternoon in La Gondola, so lovely,
investment banks will tear all down, a historic building opposite Gulbenkian,
all the trees, more than a 100 years old.
makes me sad.

Max Richter, Written on the sky

Max Richter , Embers

Genesis , Afterglow

Wim Mertens,Reihengewebe

Gute Nacht....

Lisboa, few days ago

in the end...shadow...



around Porto, Angeiras, Praia dos Lavadores

all mixes...and we remain brushed against the grain..the hair standing on end...
lost and near..tender and aggressive...hurt souls with cruel games
they never intended..
the wind takes all,
and the wind brings seed to the soil,
even with parachutes...uncertain landing

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

one can not slice the truth of one's being

and it doesn't help not to accept oneself.
as all of us i have gone through true and inner catharsis,
tranformative, but with losses and cripplement.
my deepest wish was another human to meet me and allow
me and herself nakedness in a cathartic purification
and reconciliation with the forces of life and karma,
without judgement, opinions. alone it means i accept me
as i am, together it means i am accepted and accept, 
the welcome in the face of pain, hurt, sadness, dirt, all wrong done.
this is communion. from there i should find joy, trust and peace,
and could give it. trusting i could flow 'together',
else i only flow alone, a small streamlet in a densely overgrown forest,
losing itself in a river not so far away.
anybody can call this a concept, unreal.
i see no other way, all must be naked one time and not only true,
or persons stay submarines to each other.
i see this not as a pre-condition for daily life and sharing
but as elementary for the formation of a lasting relationship.
catharsis here does not mean war but letting go of shells and patterns
and control in a prolonged moment of trust. 
not more and not less than to let be..
i must be too bad, it will not happen.
i am too bad, sunken too deeply in me and my need.
it appears obvious that i cannot give, 
i can be in love but i cannot love or better, i cannot stay loving.
i am filled with shame and at the same time with an acceptance of me,
also with a deep affection and sun and the perception of another:
but i do not trust.
my skin is too thin and too thick.
this takes me to the ways of thinking and circling.
i think when two people know before they will make the other
unhappy they should go their own way and not meet anymore.
a relationship dominated by this omen and by fears cannot grow
openly.
this is my diary.
it doesn't sum up my life nor me.
it is by far not all i feel and am.
and yes, i am ...'romantic' when somebody likes to characterize this.










Saturday, March 25, 2017

Thelonious Monk ,I'm Getting Sentimental Over You

Jethro Tull, The dog ear years





Rusted and ropy.
Dog-eared old copy.
Vintage and classic,
Or just plain Jurassic:
All words to describe me.
Relaxed in the knowledge
That happily present
Are all things to sustain me,
Nurture and claim me:
Roll back the mileage. 
You have settled beside me.
To the far and the wide of me.
A matter of choosing,
Of finding and losing
On the rough ride with me. 
Take whisky with water,
Kick stones down the gutter.
Think back to long days with
Stale breath recycled in my face.
Rattling through airways
Plastic on cold trays.
Watching through windows,
Deep landscapes below
(Await) another time and space. 
There must come some time
To walk through the night line.
Hands tight: heads high.
These are the dog-ear years.
Don't turn back. Don't linger.
For God's sake keep moving.
Primitive shadows sidle beside.
Rusted and ropy.
Dog-eared old copy.
Vintage and classic,
Or just plain Jurassic:
All words to describe me.
Relaxed in the knowledge
That happily present
Are all things to sustain me,
Nurture and claim me:
Roll back the mileage. 
Take whisky with water,
Kick stones down the gutter.
Think back to long days with
Stale breath recycled in my face.
Rattling through airways
Plastic on cold trays.
Watching through windows,
Deep landscapes below
(Await) another time and space. 
The dog-ear years, the dog-ear years.

Alain de Botton, How to think more about sex, quotes

Alain de Botton, How to think more about sex


"The act of sex plays out through the rubbing together of organs, but our excitement is no boorish physiological reaction; rather, it is an ecstasy we feel at encountering someone who may be able to put to rest certain of our greatest fears, and with whom we may hope to build a shared life based upon common values."

....

"Without sex, we would be dangerously invulnerable. We might believe we were not ridiculous. We wouldn’t know rejection and humiliation so intimately. We could age respectably, get used to our privileges and think we understood what was going on. We might disappear into numbers and words alone. It is sex that creates a necessary havoc in the ordinary hierarchies of power, status, money and intelligence."

associations on the weather

this morning in Lisbon has been sunny.
it is still cool with a fresh wind coming
and going.
coming from giving my life to work
and daily needs, now i just am, this is
the good about leaving home and fixed
structure.
and this is how i try to end my days
since childhood.
I walk inside out, i face death,
and then i am.

and between complaining and consuming,
between giving and taking, between facing
my shortcomings and misdeeds, between
pain and easiness, between revulsion and
tenderness, between all this and everything else:
i am and i know.
i know that i do not need to escape being,
i also know i cannot,
that the only truth is in true nakedness,
from birth to death.

in the stillness of solitude all finds clear flow.
to be such and calm with other humans is another field
and sphere of experience.

all is moving, i see clothes on washing lines
fluttering in the wind, yellow flowers swaying
and bushes bending. now.
each molecule , each atom, each tiniest part
and each wave must be and move within, through and by
energies and forces of a nature which creates
movement between the poles of  apparent opposites
attracting and repulsing each other and being united and one
with their magnetic field, the simplest
form to say and to say they are not really opposites
as they belong together. this is a cosmic law as we can experience it.
This is the same as being between now and tomorrow,between here and there,
and these forces give impulse, create life and death.
the most elementary force is the source of life
and can be misused to destroy our planet. it is nuclear cosmic energy living inside all matter. matter is living spirit, just a little denser ....that's why we knock our head on walls.

now i reached a café in the sun near feira
da ladra. it is saturday.the wind has gone as it had come. music, colours, noise and so many little things to see. people from around the world, many tourists.
old people sitting on benches dreaming of..i wonder, i'd like to know.
then, i was about to take a photo of some sculptures, a shop owner shouting at me from his deep and unknown frustration. i said, i respect your wish and he answered: no, you don't respect anything, you are a German.
my o my. so, now i should know what i am..

between elements, people,
there are magnetic fields vibrating with
unknown past and often densely clouded
by opinions and self defence.
they seek each other, they flee each other, all has a reason. 
in love relationships child meets child, person meets person, mind meets mind,
souls wish resonance and search for
music.
all this nuclear power is of the same origin as sex, it is truly cosmic, it is erotic even with a flower opening and a bud shooting out of the earth, a spring flowing or a fire flaming, it is beautiful and we can make it terribly destructive.
we are humans. we can kill everything.
but-the same forces and fields of life will still be there when we will long be gone.
each new born comes out of this, each death happens in this.
a feeling of light and recognition of essence must find a way to see through all emanations of these cosmic forces as seeing one as well as appreciating our deep relatedness with everything alive and dead.
better to face this force with its polarity and find a little harmony in this small short life of ours.
death is not the opposite to life,
and sex is not the opposite to love.
nothing in life exists truly opposite.
just humans try..
as a simple man i still believe in
love beyond the veils and curtains of human cruelty, stupidity, blindness,
a cosmic love within the forces working
life on this earth.it is ..a hope, a faith.
not more.












feira da ladra, museu do aljube, Lisboa