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Sunday, December 28, 2014

language, words, re-discovery

thoughts ... words are only alive because of the human using them. at the same time they have a difficult background meaning rooted in personal taste and experience, in history and in sociological context. but to analyze words coming from another human is to analyze this human. it is to find access to another human through language. and this is so much more difficult via written words than in spoken language and presence.
meaning: whatever i write will be misunderstood. 
but then, i can re-discover myself in these misunderstandings.
a challenging process.

Marrakech, Thé a la menthe




first snow, 6 december 2014

darkness

this is the dark time
of the year, when
black tides roll over 
the moving land

these are the nights,
long and filled with rumbling
when the wind roars
in the chimneys

and blows through windows
and you shiver in bed
and wake in dense blackness
creeping into your soul

there is nobody
but blood drumming
in your ears
and listening is all

what remains.
it is, they say,
what stays alive
longest when you die.

there is nothing to feel
next to you,
not even in mind,
all is bleak.

and you wait
for a full moon
to shine on frozen worlds
snow softly falling

bringing silence
and the breath of roots
covered may green
in your soul.

though hope
appears so far
you know
a new life will rise

and then
you sleep
in domes of blue
letting all go.

you do not know
the promiss of mornings.
they do not disturb
the rhythm of such night,

of such sleep.
now in the deep
i am alone.





sand between my fingers: the firemen's shuffle

love is a word
words live
but it is too delicate

i spread my hand
and words turn to 
sand and ashes

they will mingle
and green grass
will sprout up there

i trod on a spiderweb
and tripped over
my ankle hurts

tears are in my face
in my shoes, 
they form a puddle
it looks clumsy

i talk to a door,
it is a real door,
i called a name

but the answer
was expected.
the door is a door,
shut,closed, bolted.

so i am a child
who has nobody to play.
from far away
i hear mantras

they do not reach
me, i see mandalas,
they sink into themselves,
cannot draw me in.

i see doctors
with pills against suffering,
liars, all i would need
is presence.

i see a substitute universe
filled with impossible promisses,
escape into eternal skies
of detached happiness.

why,machines can do that.
no lies and gurus needed.
a lobotomy will do.
best going with castration.  

this my friends,
this,
is the secret of adult
life:

go,
be peaceful,
let things happen 
to you,

let your blood
flow
until it seeps allover

the orderly floor 
of hospitals
and nursing homes

and fcn,
don't make a fuss
about it
or anything.

be quiet,
be peaceful,
what does not come today
comes tomorrow.
maybe of course.

well, now getting desinfected,
should i work on it,
re-arrange intestines,
stitch up oozing brains
and wombs and hearts?

no, fear is the root
of sublimation,
evolution has its price,
it lives in palaces of wind


and spirits become
lonely ghosts
holding flowers
in withering hands

i can write
but my hand will
fall off like a leper's
unnoticed

dead words
aborted visions
driftwood
broken dreams

i cannot
love
alone.

sadness, solitude,
loneliness, my sisters
took me to the moon.

but tomorrow,
tomorrow i will listen
to the birds
singing the new day

i can die
again
later.

i can be
in a wheelchair
dumb and deaf
later.

the crows called me
black and noisy
they said
i am still a man

and i should
call my desire
through the evening skies
and sleep in the trees.

the sheep came
and they told me
come closer
we keep you warm.

the cats
walked up to me
they purred
and gave me comfort

dogs sniffed 
at my hands
and put their
heads on my knee.

women came
and took off
their clothes
and mine.

i let them do
as they pleased
and i let them go.

friends came
to talk to me,
so what,

it does not change
my way.
i let them go.

i will not follow
their path.
i don't hold on,

they might make me
stumble more
when i am not aware

horses, yes horses
are free
but even they
come and kiss me.

i didn't try
with crocodiles,
vipers, giants,
fairies, but yes,
maybe monsters.

we being human
live in darkness
and have to feel
our way

walking in light
open eyed:

morituri te salutant.