Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Fado of Zen
it is as it is. i am not happy about it.
a very special 'friend' wrote this to me,
in her own context, in another context altogether.
and i feel her sadness, i am mindful of her,
but i am also mindful of me.
i feel the same, i have felt like this for long,
and i accept. but cannot follow within my context
of íntuition and flow.
more happiness can be possible in my context,
in now and in tomorrow where it can be taken to
and recreated and imagined.
this is the difference of consciousness and with it awareness
as it has been growing through the years,
evolving, permeating and transforming my days.
this is the difference in feeling which leaves a cleft
between two people hardly to be bridged, so fragile.
i accept does not mean i stay.
i am not called to do this.
still, open to wonder.
whysover, i don't know.
maybe just because i am truly alive.
a very special 'friend' wrote this to me,
in her own context, in another context altogether.
and i feel her sadness, i am mindful of her,
but i am also mindful of me.
i feel the same, i have felt like this for long,
and i accept. but cannot follow within my context
of íntuition and flow.
more happiness can be possible in my context,
in now and in tomorrow where it can be taken to
and recreated and imagined.
this is the difference of consciousness and with it awareness
as it has been growing through the years,
evolving, permeating and transforming my days.
this is the difference in feeling which leaves a cleft
between two people hardly to be bridged, so fragile.
i accept does not mean i stay.
i am not called to do this.
still, open to wonder.
whysover, i don't know.
maybe just because i am truly alive.
'For Anne Frank', Greg Tricker, Nick Naydler
i translated this book around 25 years ago,
so far we haven't found a publisher,
prints are too expensive-
but maybe there will be a way
"FÜR ANNE FRANK
Fortgebracht von der
Gestapo
Es kam,
die Monate der Furcht
sprangen in einen
Augenblick,
die Axt biss tief bis
ins Unerträgliche,
aller Staub kreischte
zu den Fenstern,
und wir drehten uns
um
und kamen ungeboren
hinaus in die Kälte.
Die Dinge aus unseren
Leben schrien hinaus,
alles Haut, alles
zerrissen,
die Nacht fiel
in meine Kehle,
die Sonne stürzte
aus meinen Därmen
heraus."
Dead Can Dance - Rakim
Favored son
Turn in the garden
Shades of one
Sins forgotten
Turn in the garden
Shades of one
Sins forgotten
Favored signs to find hope
In the rounds of life
Favored rhymes to find hope
In the sands of life
In the rounds of life
Favored rhymes to find hope
In the sands of life
Favored son
Fence in your heart
Savored son
Sins forgotten
Fence in your heart
Savored son
Sins forgotten
love's simplicity, reflections
loving a dog or a horse : easy to say.
even this in the end sometimes may be hard to do.
to love "you": i cannot say it anymore.
it felt so simple and easy and true to say.
by now the word is corrupted,
my intention, flow and way are gone
in a strange land of interpretation, translation,
perversion, nearly shredded.
but i am here.
and maybe i do but really cannot say.
love.
still, one day i may have to go another way.
away.
i have no 'name' for '"you"'.
you have no 'name' for "me".
in no Man's land i am just me, alone.
call me, call my name, i may come.
i never understood why it can be not simple and easy.
are 'you' more a relative than a friend,
and i cannot just open my arms for "our" joy?
relatives can grow a burden,
and they tend to mix up with our life,
keep us occupied-
and see us in continuous translation.
i have grown older and old, occupied,
more tired, soon i will grow out of
my longing and will resist all ways
of being together going into involution.
retiring.
maybe i love, maybe not, maybe i do but cannot say anymore.
i cannot flow out but in.
the dam was built, and it grew too high
too often too much for too long.
so, tell me, is love simple?
i love Ogro, my horse, i can say it.
i can call him, i can find a name.
i have a name. call me.
one day it will be too late.
I am tired, not unhappy, not happy.
exhausted with dams
and unshared feeling.
Life will lead 'us' where it will.
Fatalistic..still, meaningful,
it says it doesn't matter who i am
or what i wish(ed).
this can be a release.
i can love all and nobody.
i am open for wonder.
this is all.
even this in the end sometimes may be hard to do.
to love "you": i cannot say it anymore.
it felt so simple and easy and true to say.
by now the word is corrupted,
my intention, flow and way are gone
in a strange land of interpretation, translation,
perversion, nearly shredded.
but i am here.
and maybe i do but really cannot say.
love.
still, one day i may have to go another way.
away.
i have no 'name' for '"you"'.
you have no 'name' for "me".
in no Man's land i am just me, alone.
call me, call my name, i may come.
i never understood why it can be not simple and easy.
are 'you' more a relative than a friend,
and i cannot just open my arms for "our" joy?
relatives can grow a burden,
and they tend to mix up with our life,
keep us occupied-
and see us in continuous translation.
i have grown older and old, occupied,
more tired, soon i will grow out of
my longing and will resist all ways
of being together going into involution.
retiring.
maybe i love, maybe not, maybe i do but cannot say anymore.
i cannot flow out but in.
the dam was built, and it grew too high
too often too much for too long.
so, tell me, is love simple?
i love Ogro, my horse, i can say it.
i can call him, i can find a name.
i have a name. call me.
one day it will be too late.
I am tired, not unhappy, not happy.
exhausted with dams
and unshared feeling.
Life will lead 'us' where it will.
Fatalistic..still, meaningful,
it says it doesn't matter who i am
or what i wish(ed).
this can be a release.
i can love all and nobody.
i am open for wonder.
this is all.
woke and cannot fly
to dream in a cocoon doesn't make you fly.
you need wings.
what was there first , egg or chicken, wings or
image? and can it be the same for birds and butterflies
as for humans or is it not rather that we all just fly
when the time has come?
when consciousness develops along
with self awareness in movement and time
and in continous re-creation of past,
how different will it evolve with crawling,
swimming, walking upright and
flying?
will knocking our head, filling with water or
falling stop us doing what we do?
or can it improve our orientation and
abilities? is there then a positive effect of fear?
why do we sleep?
i slept and woke,
is asking questions thought?
i go back to rest. still, i am present.
you need wings.
what was there first , egg or chicken, wings or
image? and can it be the same for birds and butterflies
as for humans or is it not rather that we all just fly
when the time has come?
when consciousness develops along
with self awareness in movement and time
and in continous re-creation of past,
how different will it evolve with crawling,
swimming, walking upright and
flying?
will knocking our head, filling with water or
falling stop us doing what we do?
or can it improve our orientation and
abilities? is there then a positive effect of fear?
why do we sleep?
i slept and woke,
is asking questions thought?
i go back to rest. still, i am present.
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