first frost today

Morphine - Swing It Low

Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds - Wonderful Life

i read yesterdays thoughts...now on music and water

it is not the one sound of the flute nor the sequence or composition of notes nor the rhythm which makes music music.  it is ones mind listening  to the flow and it is the  life and spirit in what you hear taking you on from now. "good" music is undefinable, it is an entrance to development, change, blossoming out and into inner life and death at the same time. it can be  resonance of  mystery, revelation, inspiration. it is life and it is timeless. each moment in music is now, and one now follows the other: this is life. music can make you discover life as being there now, and it always is.  music takes you out of your day for day experience of time, it contradicts your concept and imagination of time as it is always there only now. when the music stops and if you loved it and you had given your complete awareness to it  owing to the spiritual quality of "good" music, you will always feel a moment of sadness as if  life had stopped for a moment and death would approach. often i feel a vague but intense desire for some place i cannot remember or i do not know, yet.

when i sit next to a river and watch its flow i tend to go into meditation. the flow takes me away, the reflections of light and shadow, the eddies, whirls, curls, the small places of hesitation or restlessness, the back current near the bank, the way of the water around obstructions, dead branches, stones, the leaves dancing on the surface, sinking, coming up again, the gurgling, the sound of the birds and the water, the scent of just this place where i am now.

the deep quality of the river is direction of flow.
even seeing the  whirlpools and the backwaters, the flow is one way.
when the path is narrow it will flow faster, when the river's bed is large it will glide more slowly.
but it is always the same flow.
water will meet water, another river, a lake, the sea. it will always reach the ocean.

one drop of water does not make the river nor the ocean
but it will always be a a part of flow and life.
this can be one spiritual core of  a meditation on water.


"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."
A.Huxley

i read another man's thoughts

i read another human's thoughts today.

it is quite clear to me that there is no relief without pain, no joy without suffering and no other way than to meet the core of one deepest sorrow and go through there if you ever want to see light.

there is no love pouring out if you cannot have real compassion for your own lost inner child.

in my mind this life is not about finding a way how not to be reborn but to live here in kindness and acceptance of uncertainty and with the deep knowledge that our being here is perishable. we are on a journey through the universe, a rich adventure and highly educational in itself. i do not myself believe in simple rebirth here on earth as a frog, a horse or a human being. i do imagine a travel through the gates of life,birth and death into another kind of being and travel and into other galaxies and spheres.

i am a messenger of stars and the distant unknown, a particle and a dance and a song and a wave and a ray of light longing for home wherever this may be. many people call it god, but this is a misused word.

the certain presence of death is a part of life, not the opposite. one makes the other valuable and possible.

all of us are connected, good and bad, soul and non-soul, plant, animal, man. we will all meet  in the sea of nothingness where we will not know each other, and from there we will be sent out again to travel, to meet, to experience and learn.

there is no nirvana in the sense that this is a place where we can live in holy detachedness.

it is not an aim of life to be detached in eternal happiness. life shows us death and death shows us life.

in nature one grows out of the other. we open our eyes walking through a forest, a desert, we open our mind and we see.

analytic thinking and even meditation can do nothing but open our gates of perception and show us a way, outside the thought, inside the meditation.

mind you, there just is no easy way. happiness is a gift, not a goal. 

if it is not a way of the heart it will be wrong, wrong only meaning it will not lead us out of confusion and

we will not listen to music when we stumble.

it is all the same as for oneself and as in the beginning of this text when two people want to learn to sincerely love each other, howsoever they start meeting. they will know  when they can reach each other through the brain, the skin, the heart, the soul, words and touch. they have to see the inner child in each other, feel not only attraction but feel the complete other being as a part of the spirit of our cosmic entity. if then they manage to truly meet each others's deepest wounds and sorrow , undress masks , penetrate shells, share pain and suffering without running away , then they may be able to trust and love. it takes persistence . a precondition for it to last is to be open to astonishment and wonder, to work on non-judgement and non-expectation, to use rather rituals than routines and to see each other as the wonder he or she really is.

and for this it is a pre-condition to see oneself as a wonder of creation , 

not just to go back in analysis, but to give each day a chance for a surprise.

i see no other way.