Sunday, January 22, 2017
Martha Nussbaum, Esther Perel, Adam Phillips, bainpickings.org, quotes
"Human beings appear to be the only mortal finite beings who wish to transcend their finitude. Thus they are the only emotional beings who wish not to be emotional, who wish to withhold these acknowledgments of neediness and to design for themselves a life in which these acknowledgments have no place. This means that they frequently learn to reject their own vulnerability and to suppress awareness of the attachments that entail it. We might also say … that they are the only animals for whom neediness is a source of shame, and who take pride in themselves to the extent to which they have allegedly gotten clear of vulnerability."
...
"Notice, then, that shame is far from requiring diminished self-regard. In a sense, it requires self-regard as its essential backdrop. It is only because one expects oneself to have worth or even perfection that one will shrink from or cover the evidence of one’s nonworth or imperfection. To the extent that all infants enjoy a sense of omnipotence, all infants experience shame at the recognition of their human imperfection: a universal experience underlying the biblical story of our shame at our nakedness. But a good development will allow the gradual relaxing of omnipotence in favor of trust, as the infant learns not to be ashamed of neediness and to take a positive delight in the playful and creative “subtle interplay” of two imperfect beings."
..
"The emotions of the adult life sometimes feel as if they flood up out of nowhere, in ways that don’t match our present view of our objects or their value. This will be especially true of the person who maintains some kind of false self-defense, and who is in consequence out of touch with the emotions of neediness and dependence, or of anger and aggression, that characterize the true self."
"The understanding of any single emotion is incomplete unless its narrative history is grasped and studied for the light it sheds on the present response."
Martha Nussbaum, Upheavals of Thought: The Intelligence of Emotions
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"Love is not a structure in the heart waiting to be discovered; it is embodied in, made up out of, experiences of suffering."
Martha Nussbaum, Love's Knowledge
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If love is an act of imagination, then intimacy is an act of fruition. It waits for the high to subside so it can patiently insert itself into the relationship. The seeds of intimacy are time and repetition. We choose each other again and again, and so create a community of two."
"Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness. One does not exist without the other. With too much distance, there can be no connection. But too much merging eradicates the separateness of two distinct individuals. Then there is nothing more to transcend, no bridge to walk on, no one to visit on the other side, no other internal world to enter. When people become fused — when two become one — connection can no longer happen. There is no one to connect with. Thus separateness is a precondition for connection: this is the essential paradox of intimacy and sex."
"We long to create closeness in our relationships, to bridge the space between our partner and ourselves, but, ironically, it is this very space between self and other that is the erotic synapse. In order to bring lust home, we need to re-create the distance that we worked so hard to bridge. Erotic intelligence is about creating distance, then bringing that space to life."
"Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while desire is energized by it. If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. Love is about having; desire is about wanting. An expression of longing, desire requires ongoing elusiveness. It is less concerned with where it has already been than passionate about where it can still go."
Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"However much you have been wanting and hoping and dreaming of meeting the person of your dreams, it is only when you meet them that you will start missing them. It seems that the presence of an object is required to make its absence felt (or to make the absence of something felt). A kind of longing may have preceded their arrival, but you have to meet in order to feel the full force of your frustration in their absence."
Adam Phillips, Missing out
...
"Notice, then, that shame is far from requiring diminished self-regard. In a sense, it requires self-regard as its essential backdrop. It is only because one expects oneself to have worth or even perfection that one will shrink from or cover the evidence of one’s nonworth or imperfection. To the extent that all infants enjoy a sense of omnipotence, all infants experience shame at the recognition of their human imperfection: a universal experience underlying the biblical story of our shame at our nakedness. But a good development will allow the gradual relaxing of omnipotence in favor of trust, as the infant learns not to be ashamed of neediness and to take a positive delight in the playful and creative “subtle interplay” of two imperfect beings."
..
"The emotions of the adult life sometimes feel as if they flood up out of nowhere, in ways that don’t match our present view of our objects or their value. This will be especially true of the person who maintains some kind of false self-defense, and who is in consequence out of touch with the emotions of neediness and dependence, or of anger and aggression, that characterize the true self."
"The understanding of any single emotion is incomplete unless its narrative history is grasped and studied for the light it sheds on the present response."
Martha Nussbaum, Upheavals of Thought: The Intelligence of Emotions
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Love is not a structure in the heart waiting to be discovered; it is embodied in, made up out of, experiences of suffering."
Martha Nussbaum, Love's Knowledge
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If love is an act of imagination, then intimacy is an act of fruition. It waits for the high to subside so it can patiently insert itself into the relationship. The seeds of intimacy are time and repetition. We choose each other again and again, and so create a community of two."
"Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness. One does not exist without the other. With too much distance, there can be no connection. But too much merging eradicates the separateness of two distinct individuals. Then there is nothing more to transcend, no bridge to walk on, no one to visit on the other side, no other internal world to enter. When people become fused — when two become one — connection can no longer happen. There is no one to connect with. Thus separateness is a precondition for connection: this is the essential paradox of intimacy and sex."
"We long to create closeness in our relationships, to bridge the space between our partner and ourselves, but, ironically, it is this very space between self and other that is the erotic synapse. In order to bring lust home, we need to re-create the distance that we worked so hard to bridge. Erotic intelligence is about creating distance, then bringing that space to life."
"Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while desire is energized by it. If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. Love is about having; desire is about wanting. An expression of longing, desire requires ongoing elusiveness. It is less concerned with where it has already been than passionate about where it can still go."
Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"However much you have been wanting and hoping and dreaming of meeting the person of your dreams, it is only when you meet them that you will start missing them. It seems that the presence of an object is required to make its absence felt (or to make the absence of something felt). A kind of longing may have preceded their arrival, but you have to meet in order to feel the full force of your frustration in their absence."
Adam Phillips, Missing out
Osho, quote
“Falling in love you remain a child;
rising in love you mature.
By and by love becomes not a relationship,
it becomes a state of your being.
Not that you are in love – now you are love.”
note:
though i collected a lot of critical thoughts,
looked at Osho often with aversion
and feel no deep respect (would he have wanted it?),
i like this quote, and i often
can enjoy the fun he has....
after all, one good thing, he can make me laugh
more times than not...
rising in love you mature.
By and by love becomes not a relationship,
it becomes a state of your being.
Not that you are in love – now you are love.”
note:
though i collected a lot of critical thoughts,
looked at Osho often with aversion
and feel no deep respect (would he have wanted it?),
i like this quote, and i often
can enjoy the fun he has....
after all, one good thing, he can make me laugh
more times than not...
inauguration ( January 20,2017)
this inauguration, a
disclosure of uncontrolled
frustration, the rising
of an ego balloon
filled with violence,
unreflected opinions,
unfortunately not
of this one man alone
but with the smoldering
helplessness of many
whose chase for happiness
has become homeless,
turned into an obsession
to build fences against
fear, sour with blindness,
hatred, burning scapegoats
to the roar of 5000
motorbikes, and the
red faced bully standing
on Capitol Hill, a scarecrow,
they clap for him, America
growing a risk, a cancer
for freedom, mothers, the young
who will be called to arms
to fight for stupid ideas,
they must kill other young
men with stupid ideas,
guard illusionary borders
and black, brown and yellow
must disguise as white men
or perish in the exile of silence.
And who will control
this loud man if not the rich
behind all politics, the
real powers in charge
with their lobbies, their clowns,
their grey men, they know
how to put down angry
men who start big
and to make them fall small,
sometimes hit by bullets
or choking on their passion
with a heart attack, a convenient
stroke, or can he be
a leader in the clockwork
of industry, weapon sales,
mining and the greed for oil?
would he ever motivate
his people and set them free?
there will be no such thing,
i see shame coming as it must.
bone oracles shake with terror,
predicting injustice, prisons,
wars, death and indifference
to poverty, to handicaps,
drawn curtains and noisy
salutes, volleys of shots
mixing with the national anthem
for even dogs to bawl and bellow
by threat of capital punishment .
i don't like to speak
on politics, on politicians,
i choke on the slime, the lies,
but-i am worried too....
inauguration speech, The Guardian
"Ils ne se servent de la pensée que pour autoriser leurs injustices, et n'emploient les paroles que pour déguiser leurs pensées." Voltaire.
analysis, inauguration speech
"Tous les genres sont bons, hors le genre ennuyeux." Voltaire
"Il est triste que souvent, pour être bon patriote, on soit l'ennemi du reste des hommes."
Voltaire
"Le préjugé est une opinion sans jugement." Voltaire
and ..listen..GOD! God and the almighty creator...fc, i am half dead after listening.
in this country i cannot be arrested..but then, maybe GOD will arrest me...
"Dum spiro, spero." Cicero
disclosure of uncontrolled
frustration, the rising
of an ego balloon
filled with violence,
unreflected opinions,
unfortunately not
of this one man alone
but with the smoldering
helplessness of many
whose chase for happiness
has become homeless,
turned into an obsession
to build fences against
fear, sour with blindness,
hatred, burning scapegoats
to the roar of 5000
motorbikes, and the
red faced bully standing
on Capitol Hill, a scarecrow,
they clap for him, America
growing a risk, a cancer
for freedom, mothers, the young
who will be called to arms
to fight for stupid ideas,
they must kill other young
men with stupid ideas,
guard illusionary borders
and black, brown and yellow
must disguise as white men
or perish in the exile of silence.
And who will control
this loud man if not the rich
behind all politics, the
real powers in charge
with their lobbies, their clowns,
their grey men, they know
how to put down angry
men who start big
and to make them fall small,
sometimes hit by bullets
or choking on their passion
with a heart attack, a convenient
stroke, or can he be
a leader in the clockwork
of industry, weapon sales,
mining and the greed for oil?
would he ever motivate
his people and set them free?
there will be no such thing,
i see shame coming as it must.
bone oracles shake with terror,
predicting injustice, prisons,
wars, death and indifference
to poverty, to handicaps,
drawn curtains and noisy
salutes, volleys of shots
mixing with the national anthem
for even dogs to bawl and bellow
by threat of capital punishment .
i don't like to speak
on politics, on politicians,
i choke on the slime, the lies,
but-i am worried too....
inauguration speech, The Guardian
"Ils ne se servent de la pensée que pour autoriser leurs injustices, et n'emploient les paroles que pour déguiser leurs pensées." Voltaire.
analysis, inauguration speech
"Tous les genres sont bons, hors le genre ennuyeux." Voltaire
"Il est triste que souvent, pour être bon patriote, on soit l'ennemi du reste des hommes."
Voltaire
"Le préjugé est une opinion sans jugement." Voltaire
and ..listen..GOD! God and the almighty creator...fc, i am half dead after listening.
in this country i cannot be arrested..but then, maybe GOD will arrest me...
"Dum spiro, spero." Cicero
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