and i..try to watch over you..as best as i can
Friday, July 31, 2015
will we see more light?
A Diet of Thistles
Conrad T. Feder
(poems, English)
the following poem is not to be found
in my book:
We cannot see the light
we cannot see the light
through the smoke of words.
the fire of longing
spreads ashes in the wind.
the pain of being one,
we feel separate from the stars.
as experience is
the root of thought,
the brain disturbs the
rhythms of the heart.
the tides of time
take us here and there.
and only the water
of true tears
will clear the soot
and only love
can show us a way
through the stonefields
of our blind deserts
and the mines of doubt.
This is not romantic AND it is.
The salvation is not in to be loved,
but in to love, oneself, life, death, and
another.
some of my more secret background
i tried so far to keep it low.
but why? why should I?
i grew up with my father teaching me on H.Blavatsky, Theosophy, Paracelsus.
I was told as a child that the true meaning of the story of Jesus Christ goes with the initiation rites of the early gnostics.
Also it was explained to me that we are bound to a world and a body we must see as "material" though they are not, matter is an illusion. The cross stands first for this, a travel during which we are bound to suffer being perishable. And that death and sleep and even at times making love are gates. Transcendence,transformation, cycles, rhythm, waves: nothing bad about sleep, death. Other ways of life.
That it is not blood and suffering which brought love into the world:
I took this to school, and i had very serious discussions with my teacher. In the end he gave up, said: You have to believe.
I don't believe when i cannot.
I was told not to stick to fear nor to guilt,
not to be influenced by vengeance and threats.
I was told not to stick to fear nor to guilt,
not to be influenced by vengeance and threats.
i was taught that all religions originate in one only, as all languages must have their origin in one.
i was taught Latin and parts of Sanskrit, loads of etymology and i was told so
many myths and fairy stories.
i was filled with magic, Kabbalah, astrology, Chakras, avatars, Gautama Buddha,
and i was introduced into the hierarchies of our universe.
and i was introduced into the hierarchies of our universe.
i was taught to question and to look for a true meaning in my own life,
for truth, love and self knowledge.
i was taught to be silent and breathe.
for truth, love and self knowledge.
i was taught to be silent and breathe.
i learned to try with whatever sadness and trouble to go the way of
tvat tvam asi, explained to me to look in the other one in which way he is related to me
and the other way round. i kept this.
it is a way to deeper understanding and to love,
but it certainly can be a way through repulsion
and even through hate.
tvat tvam asi, explained to me to look in the other one in which way he is related to me
and the other way round. i kept this.
it is a way to deeper understanding and to love,
but it certainly can be a way through repulsion
and even through hate.
i was eager to learn, filled with wonder, with longing for knowledge and a desire to see
and to grow in my abilities.
and to grow in my abilities.
a child. and maybe i still can be...
up to this day, not only because of having been a rebel and not only because of having
gone through and having tried out all possibilities of spiritual death,
i have a problem with the image of hierarchies. it appears untrue to me.
up to this day, not only because of having been a rebel and not only because of having
gone through and having tried out all possibilities of spiritual death,
i have a problem with the image of hierarchies. it appears untrue to me.
is a tree higher developed than a stone or just differently?
is the moon a lower being than the sun?
is the moon a lower being than the sun?
i could agree that to find a way in which kindness grows and more serenity and light
can permeate my being and emanate from my presence is a good walk.
it will not make me 'higher'.
can permeate my being and emanate from my presence is a good walk.
it will not make me 'higher'.
but it can change life, call it destiny, fate or karma.
well, i am not sure about higher and lower. i put it to the side.
i want peace more than an opinion.
the only way is the way of the heart, for me.
This is why i would possibly rather feel related to the early gnostics (not gnosticism)
than to any church.
than to any church.
to define a god, to me it appears as foolishness.
and i still believe, ja, must believe in a common origin and relatedness
and connectedness of ALL beings, religions, languages.
and connectedness of ALL beings, religions, languages.
and mind you, i like The Little Prince...and i would like to be his friend.
continuing yesterdays train of thought for a moment
continuing yesterdays train of thought for a moment.
the engine was moved by the word duty in the quote taken from W.Burroughs.
in the end all is about communion in presence and not about communication.
never a permanent status, not a goal, more of a wonder.
nothing is easy and just a present by the Gods,
and if it is one must suspect poison in the gift.
people can be deeply boring and repetitive , opinionated, stuck, complaining,
annoying, dumb.
Days can be filled with misery and suffering. Nights can be lonely and unforgiving.
So: what? It all belongs to life just the same as the song of birds and
the scent of the sea and dances and tenderness and warmth of touch and orgasms and flowers.
Nothing which is hard to bear takes away what is filled with joy.
relationships may start again more deeply or end forever in moments of frustration
and deepest despair. when starting again then they can grow often more truly
than in golden days and dreamy nights.
everything is possible or nothing at all.
nobody can plan this.
all of us have their own weakness and need ,
all of us have enough courage and persistence to have walked already
through many days without hope, bleak and unpromising land.
So, let us go, wheresoever.
the engine was moved by the word duty in the quote taken from W.Burroughs.
in the end all is about communion in presence and not about communication.
never a permanent status, not a goal, more of a wonder.
nothing is easy and just a present by the Gods,
and if it is one must suspect poison in the gift.
people can be deeply boring and repetitive , opinionated, stuck, complaining,
annoying, dumb.
Days can be filled with misery and suffering. Nights can be lonely and unforgiving.
So: what? It all belongs to life just the same as the song of birds and
the scent of the sea and dances and tenderness and warmth of touch and orgasms and flowers.
Nothing which is hard to bear takes away what is filled with joy.
relationships may start again more deeply or end forever in moments of frustration
and deepest despair. when starting again then they can grow often more truly
than in golden days and dreamy nights.
everything is possible or nothing at all.
nobody can plan this.
all of us have their own weakness and need ,
all of us have enough courage and persistence to have walked already
through many days without hope, bleak and unpromising land.
So, let us go, wheresoever.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
W. S. Borroughs, there is no intensity of, thoughts and remarks
'There is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt. It is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defence or reserve.'
William S. Burroughs
~stolen~
remark:
well, as said one cannot discuss love.
either it is there or not, either it is alive and lived or not, either one loves or not.
one cannot discuss the quality of experience.
one cannot discuss the joy of a running squirrel nor the feeling of the snow in melting.
i cannot see a duty in life or love. but love is probably true only if one accepts
the risk of attachment and of possible pain.
without giving yourself how can you be fully present? i cannot.
also i cannot see that life is only teaching us all the time nor that is gives us a moral obligation.
no. we should not keep internalizing this attitude of slaves of society,
always being told that if we don't do this or that we are failing all goals and must go to hell.
where is the goal, what is it and WHOSE is it?
I cannot see love as a duty.
i just feel that to be true is the most important to me:
i experience sharing joy intensifies its quality,
and suffering needs a presence.
consolation is no shit when it is true.
i experience sharing joy intensifies its quality,
and suffering needs a presence.
consolation is no shit when it is true.
otherwise we are just travellers, and our scholarship , we should see it calmly and stay modest.
we will not be gods just because we develop and grow this way or that way.
what we call god is not simply part of us, it is more that we are a part of what we call god.
of course, we can see us differently, and, as a friend of mine says, nobody is so special.
i find this a rather diminishing view though true in its own way: we are all more related even than we often want to be.
but- we are all unique.
and when we see, perceive, accept and experience another living human as unique,
then we can find to another way of feeling as part of the universe,
maybe of what we call god.
then we can find to another way of feeling as part of the universe,
maybe of what we call god.
the need for sharing and presence is why we fall in love in the best of ways,
and this is one way of experiencing attraction in mature erotic love too.
and this is one way of experiencing attraction in mature erotic love too.
it is not "romantic" in the historical meaning of this word.
melting and mellowing should not mean to lose one's own identitiy
but to give and to find a mirror and to grow in and out of the richness
of a loving relationship.
this means love can be like water to a tree.
melting and mellowing should not mean to lose one's own identitiy
but to give and to find a mirror and to grow in and out of the richness
of a loving relationship.
this means love can be like water to a tree.
it is my personal view and goes towards a possibly "religious" and innocent
touching this world and reaching out into life and love.
touching this world and reaching out into life and love.
it is, for me, the spice of love and life.
if it is not only falling and being in love, it needs a complementary
being,doing, living, giving to the other one-
being,doing, living, giving to the other one-
both have to grow together to make any sense:
the need to come together and the act to be together,
to receive and to give.
to receive and to give.
otherwise to be in love truly means 'nothing' but will be just another way of
ego-centred development or rather evolvement.
and this can be done and experienced alone.
ego-centred development or rather evolvement.
and this can be done and experienced alone.
well, i really want to say, a bit in contrast to many esoteric and spiritual teachings,
we are not monadic and hierarchically structured beings
and we will not be real humans as long as we grow only inside and alone
expecting to change into superhumans.
this is NOT possible.
we are not monadic and hierarchically structured beings
and we will not be real humans as long as we grow only inside and alone
expecting to change into superhumans.
this is NOT possible.
nothing alive is hierarchical, its wings are not of a higher importance to a butterfly than its guts.
we are not separate beings and we are not separate from the earth, the world, the universe.
we can analyze it to shit, it will not help us to walk anywhere.
to give ourselves to life and love and to grow in kindness together WHERE WE ARE is the best we can do. not just in our mind.
so, fuck books, psychoanylsis, theories, gurus, doctors, teachers, fuck everything:
i want to live as consciously and as clear as i can with my own feelings and stay alive
this way as long as i am alive.
me, i am neither running after happiness as something to consume
nor am i trying to destroy and analyze all i feel.
i accept it ALL.
even when i am 'bad', bored, unhappy, ill, fed up, angry,
nor am i trying to destroy and analyze all i feel.
i accept it ALL.
even when i am 'bad', bored, unhappy, ill, fed up, angry,
lonely, it belongs all to this my life just as my dying does.
and wanting belongs to me too. i want, long, desire: nothing bad about it.
no obligation or duty not to want whatsoever.
what is needed being together is to be able to forget oneself for a time,
to open the mind and the heart to the presence of another person.
when one feels well with doing this, love is present.
for a time...which cannot be measured.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Monday, July 27, 2015
LOUNTANG - Constantinople / Cissoko / Tabassian / Martel
gives me the shivers from the start, dreamlike flow and beautiful
Arthur Schopenhauer, Der Mensch kann zwar
"Der Mensch kann zwar tun, was er will.
Er kann aber nicht wollen, was er will."
Arthur Schopenhauer
Er kann aber nicht wollen, was er will."
Arthur Schopenhauer
a curious nightmare
It is not that i do not understand parts of it.
But... i was shivering for hours,
and i felt a kind of hint
dealing with my death and with my life.
I am dreaming. I forget i dream. I drive my car, the brakes do not work,
When i use them the car accelerates. I stop. I wake up in my dream,
go down to the car, quite worried. I check on the brakes: same thing, i hit the brake
and the engine roars. I am frightened. I decide to take the car to the garage
in the morning.
Something feels very wrong.
I fall asleep.
Suddenly my wife who died in September 2013 stretches herself next to me.
She looks at me, her eyes filled with love.
She tells me she is happy. But, she says, you know it was really quite painful when my
abdomen slowly filled with fluid.
Then she looks at me seducingly.
A bit later i find us kissing and both wanting to make love together.
I am now very frightened. I realize, she is dead. Stop.
Then the room moves, I am lost in space, a giraffe put her head and parts of her long neck through my window. The giraffe looks nice.
But i am filled with terror by now. My throat is dry, I cannot shout for help.
With my last strength I manage to get out of bed. This very moment a hand touches my forehead.
I turn, it is my dead wife again, so very real , so alive.
She says, i will watch over you, don't be frightened.
I wake up in a sweat and shivering.
Note: this is my blog. as far as i can see i write here what i want.
About 6-15 visitors see each post in a day. Maybe some can see
that they are not alone when they are in trouble. It is the best i can do.
But i write to myself.
But... i was shivering for hours,
and i felt a kind of hint
dealing with my death and with my life.
I am dreaming. I forget i dream. I drive my car, the brakes do not work,
When i use them the car accelerates. I stop. I wake up in my dream,
go down to the car, quite worried. I check on the brakes: same thing, i hit the brake
and the engine roars. I am frightened. I decide to take the car to the garage
in the morning.
Something feels very wrong.
I fall asleep.
Suddenly my wife who died in September 2013 stretches herself next to me.
She looks at me, her eyes filled with love.
She tells me she is happy. But, she says, you know it was really quite painful when my
abdomen slowly filled with fluid.
Then she looks at me seducingly.
A bit later i find us kissing and both wanting to make love together.
I am now very frightened. I realize, she is dead. Stop.
Then the room moves, I am lost in space, a giraffe put her head and parts of her long neck through my window. The giraffe looks nice.
But i am filled with terror by now. My throat is dry, I cannot shout for help.
With my last strength I manage to get out of bed. This very moment a hand touches my forehead.
I turn, it is my dead wife again, so very real , so alive.
She says, i will watch over you, don't be frightened.
I wake up in a sweat and shivering.
Note: this is my blog. as far as i can see i write here what i want.
About 6-15 visitors see each post in a day. Maybe some can see
that they are not alone when they are in trouble. It is the best i can do.
But i write to myself.
astonishing conversations? no.
astonishing conversations? no.
koans: boring or not. it depends on attitude...continuity, persistence, courage and hope..
koans: one can either ignore them or walk out.
else?
as said, communication is difficult.
it takes a minumum of two to try.
and two to fail.
some of the conversations leading to more koans
( roles of man and woman can be just exchanged...)
koan 1
man: is it ok without more words?
woman: if you cannot take words, maybe better not to talk anymore at all.
follows:
man: did you read what i wrote to you?
woman: words are shit. just be.
koan 2
man: i feel hurt by what you said.
woman: don't waste your time
man: it is too painful
woman: you must be in puberty
follows:
man: tell me what you feel
woman: i feel you are aggressive
koan 3
man: i want to be with you
woman: wanting is a burden. just flow.
man: i miss you
woman: really?
koan 4
man: i want you in my arms
woman: this is not love
man: it is how i flow
woman: you are immature
koan 5
man: i love you
woman: (really?) you say this with so much certainty
koan 6
man: tell me what you meant?
woman: i felt horrible (with you)
man: i am sad (i didn't want to hear this)
woman: you are unstable
There is a wonderful booklet by Ronald D. Laing, "Do you 'really' love me?
I guess everybody should read it who hasn't yet.
Really, there is no such thing as pure love.
And love cannot be discussed.
It is at the best of times presence and warmth.
And it always mixes with desire and frustration,
with the needs of the inner child which need to be
integrated, transformed, cared for and forgiven in any true relationship.
The needs of both, man and woman.
It is the same way, joy goes with pain and the day with the night.
It is not all opposites, it is much better to see it in the way of polarity.
And with a grain of humour.
Communication... i slowly start to laugh..,
maybe i can never stop anymore.
This would be so good!
We want peace,
But peace is not just something natural between humans.
Not so difficult: inside.
Between: often just a state of rest between impossible wars.
And this is not a matter of being bad or good. Not a question of guilt.
It is how it is.
But...is this not....very beautiful:
I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I'll be your mirror
koans: boring or not. it depends on attitude...continuity, persistence, courage and hope..
koans: one can either ignore them or walk out.
else?
as said, communication is difficult.
it takes a minumum of two to try.
and two to fail.
some of the conversations leading to more koans
( roles of man and woman can be just exchanged...)
koan 1
man: is it ok without more words?
woman: if you cannot take words, maybe better not to talk anymore at all.
follows:
man: did you read what i wrote to you?
woman: words are shit. just be.
koan 2
man: i feel hurt by what you said.
woman: don't waste your time
man: it is too painful
woman: you must be in puberty
follows:
man: tell me what you feel
woman: i feel you are aggressive
koan 3
man: i want to be with you
woman: wanting is a burden. just flow.
man: i miss you
woman: really?
koan 4
man: i want you in my arms
woman: this is not love
man: it is how i flow
woman: you are immature
koan 5
man: i love you
woman: (really?) you say this with so much certainty
koan 6
man: tell me what you meant?
woman: i felt horrible (with you)
man: i am sad (i didn't want to hear this)
woman: you are unstable
There is a wonderful booklet by Ronald D. Laing, "Do you 'really' love me?
I guess everybody should read it who hasn't yet.
Really, there is no such thing as pure love.
And love cannot be discussed.
It is at the best of times presence and warmth.
And it always mixes with desire and frustration,
with the needs of the inner child which need to be
integrated, transformed, cared for and forgiven in any true relationship.
The needs of both, man and woman.
It is the same way, joy goes with pain and the day with the night.
It is not all opposites, it is much better to see it in the way of polarity.
And with a grain of humour.
Communication... i slowly start to laugh..,
maybe i can never stop anymore.
This would be so good!
We want peace,
But peace is not just something natural between humans.
Not so difficult: inside.
Between: often just a state of rest between impossible wars.
And this is not a matter of being bad or good. Not a question of guilt.
It is how it is.
But...is this not....very beautiful:
I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I'll be your mirror
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Sophie Hunger - Love Is Not The Answer (Official Video)
:-)
..not for my backpain i guess..., not for my very real sorrows...not for .....
..not for my backpain i guess..., not for my very real sorrows...not for .....
sleeping lions
most times better to let them sleep..
the same goes for remarks, postscripts, the last words in a letter, the spaces between words.
i had not learned this, i feel i can now.
we all have two ears, one for in, one for
out.....
Friday, July 24, 2015
on love and presence
love is a word?
we use words to point, express, construct and de-struct.
to talk about love and its meaning or even to talk about mere feeling takes all true presence out of it.
all is lost in translation.
to write is even worse as it carries the heavy weight of thought and analysis.
is love an idea and is it a moral request how it should be, flowing, selfless, painless?
fuck.
here is my pain.
quietly mixing with joy.
love is not a soap bubble in the air.
andrew bird - hole in the ocean floor
I woke with a start
Crying bullets, beating heart
To hear all God's creatures
Roaring again
Not a cricket was creaking,
Or a floorboard was squeaking,
And all the world was snoring for show
There's a hole in the ocean floor
There's a hole in the ocean floor
Gonna stop bleeding alone
I woke with a start
Crying bullets, beating heart
To hear all God's creatures
Roaring again...
Down Like Silver - Wolves
When I die, let the wolves enjoy my bones.
When I die, let me go.
When I die, let the wolves enjoy my bones.
When I die, let me go.
When I die, you can push me out to sea.
When I die, set me free.
When I die, let the sharks come round to feed.
When I die, set me free.
Oh the world is dark, and I've looked as far I can see.
When the years have torn me apart. Let me be.
When I die, let the flames devour me.
When I die, set me free.
When I die, throw my ashes to the breeze.
When I die, scatter me.
Whole world is dark, and I've looked as far as I can see.
When the years have torn me apart.
Let me be. Let me be. Let me be. Let me be.
Daylight is waiting for you. Daylight is waiting for you.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
People are afraid of themselves, Jim Morrison
"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."
— Jim Morrison
— Jim Morrison
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Beirut - Vagabond
Left the vagabonds
A trail of stones
Foward to find my way home
Now as the air grows cold
The trees unfolds
And I am lost and not found
And who knows
Who knows, who knows, who knows
And who knows
Who knows, who knows, who knows
Now left the vagabonds
A trail of stones
Foward to find my way home
Now as the air grows cold
The truth unfolds
And I am lost and not found
Now left the vagabonds
A trail of stones
Foward to find my way home
Now as the air grows cold
The truth unfolds
And I am lost and not found
Melody Gardot - Love Me Like a River Does
Love me like a river does
Cross the sea
Love me like a river does
Endlessly
Love me like a river does
Baby don't rush you're no waterfall
Love me that is all
Love me like a roaring sea
Swirls about
Love me like a roaring sea
Wash me out
Love me like a roaring sea
Baby don't rush you're no waterfall
Love me that is all
Love me like the earth itself
Spins around
Love me like the earth itself
Sky above below the ground
Love me like the earth itself
Baby don't rush you're no waterfall
Love me that is all
Van Gogh, I am so angry
Van Gogh: “I am so angry with myself because I cannot do what I should like to do,”
Aldous Huxley, The Divine Within etc
"This is the greatest gift which man has ever received or given himself,, the gift of language. But we have to remember although language is absolutely essential to us, it can also be absolutely fatal because we use it wrongly. If we analyze our processes of living, we find that, I imagine, at least 50 percent of our life is spent in the universe of language. We are like icebergs, floating in a sea of immediate experience but projecting into the air of language. Icebergs are about four-fifths under water and one-fifth above. But, I would say, we are considerably more than that above. I should say, we are the best part of 50 percent — and, I suspect, some people are about 80 percent above in the world of language. They virtually never have a direct experience; they live entirely in terms of concepts."
" In general we think the pointing finger- the word - is the thing we point at....In reality words are simply the signs of things. But many people treat things as though they were the signs and illustrations of words. When they see a thing, they immediately think of it as just being an illustration of a verbal category, which is absolutely fatal because this is not the case. And yet we cannot do without words. The whole of life is, after all, a process of walking on a tightrope. If you do not fall one way you fall the other, and each is equally bad. We cannot do without language, and yet if we take language too seriously we are in an extremely bad way. We somehow have to keep going on this knife-edge (every action of life is a knife-edge), being aware of the dangers and doing our best to keep out of them."
https://plus.google.com/101772332684479923946/posts/8KN5j2NVXaL
http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/07/22/aldous-huxley-who-are-we-divine-within/
the year of the rattlesnake
i cannot turn back the wheels alone.
they are too heavy, and they are a hindrance on the path of joy.
i stay there, in hiding, with a rattle at each approach.
this is no danger to passengers, the venom is used up.
we have around 35 degrees Celsius outside.
it is much cooler under stone.
i am not in a position to decide where to move to.
the sun is too much, and my eyes are blinded.
i stay and rest.
there will be a scent coming as a message
to guide me.
i just wonder, i ponder:
when will i truly laugh again?
rattlesnakes are not known to laugh.
they are too heavy, and they are a hindrance on the path of joy.
i stay there, in hiding, with a rattle at each approach.
this is no danger to passengers, the venom is used up.
we have around 35 degrees Celsius outside.
it is much cooler under stone.
i am not in a position to decide where to move to.
the sun is too much, and my eyes are blinded.
i stay and rest.
there will be a scent coming as a message
to guide me.
i just wonder, i ponder:
when will i truly laugh again?
rattlesnakes are not known to laugh.
Charles Bukowski, "I'm not one.."
"I'm not one to look back on wanton waste as complete loss – there's music in everything, even defeat."
well....it feels like shit though, non?
well....it feels like shit though, non?
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
dawn of another loneliness in the year of the goat
it is the year of the goat.
it is not my year.
let goats stray wild and graze thistles.
they are happy in their freedom.
me, i have not yet found happiness in my chosen freedom.
i will and i can and there is life.
when the will to survive is stronger than love,
i cannot foresee where i will land.
i just have to throw myself into the waves.
there has been a light in my life for all of one year.
it will be difficult to steer my ship without this faro.
alors, i must shed light on my path from inside.
it is, after all, always my path.
though i may appear to walk in circles,
i move in spirals.
they have open ends.
when i gathered enough momentum,
i fly out into space.
the universe is wild.
the loneliness is immense.
nobody can tell me how i must be.
this is a first step to new happiness.
it is not my year.
let goats stray wild and graze thistles.
they are happy in their freedom.
me, i have not yet found happiness in my chosen freedom.
i will and i can and there is life.
when the will to survive is stronger than love,
i cannot foresee where i will land.
i just have to throw myself into the waves.
there has been a light in my life for all of one year.
it will be difficult to steer my ship without this faro.
alors, i must shed light on my path from inside.
it is, after all, always my path.
though i may appear to walk in circles,
i move in spirals.
they have open ends.
when i gathered enough momentum,
i fly out into space.
the universe is wild.
the loneliness is immense.
nobody can tell me how i must be.
this is a first step to new happiness.
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