Monday, July 11, 2016
noise in my head
tolerance is what adults can do with children and rulers with slaves.
it is not a quality but a tool.
acceptance is neither an invitation nor a welcome.
passive flow is floating and being or staying there throughout, active flow is giving, feeding,
both need balance within and with each other (not against each other).
passing is indeed passing, it can be surpassing and bypassing, we all pass,
it is an experience we all have to go through, some more consciously,some less aware.
when we cannot love nor let us be loved we can of course see all as non-important or all as important which both means the same, life goes, death is inherent, there is nothing to expect,
frustration is imminent, the only way is to go inside and to control all emotional context and keep away attachment and affection.
i one way all of this is true, life is an illusion and we are parts of it, in another way it is very untrue.
human beings are in emotional need of other human beings with a presence of warmth, soul, touch and voice and body, they are in need of protection and a safe place inside and with each other.
we can all un-dress this as much as we want and distort our view on it as much as we want:
we can does not mean that it is wise or kind to ourselves or to others.
we can do it until only waste land and painful memory remain and a huge sadness may possess us at times in which we recognize love lost and needs denied , deprivation and our status of being crippled in soul and life and experience.
there is a voice in me, it says run, i want to run, i want to die, i don't want to be me.
there is a voice in me which says hope is a four letter word and faith has five.
my heart though says yes, stay, you carry light in you.
my soul says no more loss, no sacrifice, no self-denial, be true to me.
my skin says help me, i need softness. my heart says i will give .
all of us live in confusion, a continuous noise in our mind.
it is hard to walk through.
it is impossible to see what is true. it may be possible to feel, at times.
heart and karma show us paths which lead to suffering
and to joy at the same time.
intelligence is not easy, it needs to be still.
communication is always something too quickly
imagined as happening by itself,
and at our age words have not lost meaning but gained too much
weight of disappointments and burdens and thought.
when we want to talk to each other we should have the courage to use simple words
when they are felt to be true in the context of the moment not fearing the consequences and an attachment to illusion.
why fear even when we see all as illusion and non-illusion at the same time?
love and warmth and protective environment and life
may appear as illusion once we experience the loss, but is it sufficient to see all love
in the light of failure and the blindness and childishness of ego?
kindness and acceptance are not enough for a deepening human relationship.
but kindness is the only quality i can find of value.
i am not sorry that i need as much as i want to give.
this is after all only me, a human, a man
and another child of what we may call god or light.
it is not a quality but a tool.
acceptance is neither an invitation nor a welcome.
passive flow is floating and being or staying there throughout, active flow is giving, feeding,
both need balance within and with each other (not against each other).
passing is indeed passing, it can be surpassing and bypassing, we all pass,
it is an experience we all have to go through, some more consciously,some less aware.
when we cannot love nor let us be loved we can of course see all as non-important or all as important which both means the same, life goes, death is inherent, there is nothing to expect,
frustration is imminent, the only way is to go inside and to control all emotional context and keep away attachment and affection.
i one way all of this is true, life is an illusion and we are parts of it, in another way it is very untrue.
human beings are in emotional need of other human beings with a presence of warmth, soul, touch and voice and body, they are in need of protection and a safe place inside and with each other.
we can all un-dress this as much as we want and distort our view on it as much as we want:
we can does not mean that it is wise or kind to ourselves or to others.
we can do it until only waste land and painful memory remain and a huge sadness may possess us at times in which we recognize love lost and needs denied , deprivation and our status of being crippled in soul and life and experience.
there is a voice in me, it says run, i want to run, i want to die, i don't want to be me.
there is a voice in me which says hope is a four letter word and faith has five.
my heart though says yes, stay, you carry light in you.
my soul says no more loss, no sacrifice, no self-denial, be true to me.
my skin says help me, i need softness. my heart says i will give .
all of us live in confusion, a continuous noise in our mind.
it is hard to walk through.
it is impossible to see what is true. it may be possible to feel, at times.
heart and karma show us paths which lead to suffering
and to joy at the same time.
intelligence is not easy, it needs to be still.
communication is always something too quickly
imagined as happening by itself,
and at our age words have not lost meaning but gained too much
weight of disappointments and burdens and thought.
when we want to talk to each other we should have the courage to use simple words
when they are felt to be true in the context of the moment not fearing the consequences and an attachment to illusion.
why fear even when we see all as illusion and non-illusion at the same time?
love and warmth and protective environment and life
may appear as illusion once we experience the loss, but is it sufficient to see all love
in the light of failure and the blindness and childishness of ego?
kindness and acceptance are not enough for a deepening human relationship.
but kindness is the only quality i can find of value.
i am not sorry that i need as much as i want to give.
this is after all only me, a human, a man
and another child of what we may call god or light.
days like this
the time of vegetable
dreams in green sleep
and in the embrace of
trees and night
i had to leave.
the purring in
warm sheds, the
whispers in gardens
and the scent of apples,
all gone away
in a plane now
absurdly lost in
listening to dolphins
in my mind, to clouds
fading into lost desire-
still i am hurting
longing for softness.
when i try to evade
pain it catches me
unaware.
some days,
some nights
must be survived
and nothing more,
they leave a taste
of helplessness
mixed with cruel
memory, a not so
vague sadness,
untranslatable
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