Saudade: trying to learn

Saudade: trying to learn

maybe this is
saudade.
my cat snores
and i cannot sleep

maybe this is
saudade.
the rain creeps
into my heart,

and i am lonely
as a bird's call
at night,
a flutter of wings,

they are not mine.
the grey sky
kept me  grounded,
i cannot rise.

yes, i remember
with each breath
we will be together
in dreams and

in the salty ocean,
foaming and moving
behind the horizon,
tidal waves

sucking each step
in and out,out and in,
deafening the voice
of this sadness,

and it will take away
all words and thoughts
as they are nothing,
nothing at all

but what they are,
they do not swim,
they will all die.
maybe this is

saudade.
i have no place to go,
and where i walk,
there are holes in the floor.

only, please hold me
for a moment,
or i may fall
into my darkness,

our darkness of old,
or maybe i will come
and laugh, laugh
about all and nothing at all.

maybe this is
saudade,
to fall and rise,
to forget .

maybe this is
saudade,
to step out of shadow
and just be there

in the sun,
the blinding sun,
maybe,
but to see again

with the eyes
of the hawk coming
through clouds,
to move into the wind,

into the sound of stars.
maybe to meet and smile,
maybe even this is:
saudade ?

or can we lose
what we do not need
and be free,
can we fly?

i do not know:
this is
saudade.