waking up at night: letters to you, an open diary

i want to live a simple life.
i don't want to talk about what is love
nor live with so many doubts.
i don't need taboos but  acceptance.
i want to share what i can give,
a quiet life, cooking or going for a walk,
a ride on the bike, seeing with wonder,
ways of travel, the surprise of you and your laughter,
sadness and consolation,
the stillness of the garden, my arms and my bed.
i am bored with discussions,
impatient with opinions
and irritated with interpretations.
i am troubled with our fears.
i can easily live with
uncertainty when i can feel trust
and find love.
i can easily forget all this
when i love
but i cannot be who i am not.
i want to live a simple life
with smiles and cuddles and warmth
and with some dreams to share and a few to come true.
i want to listen to the birds in the morning
and to the rain at night, watch stupid films,
read crime stories, watch the reflections
in the water and feel the pauses in the wind.
i want to take you in my arms under the stars,
to stay in yours and breathe the scent of the herbs.
you know who you are.
and i know.
I want to share what you can give.
i am longing for you to open and flower.
i don't want to play the hide-and-seek game nor
the "sorry" game nor "angry" game nor
the "you don't love me if you " game.
can love transform emotions, allow needs and let peace be?
our masks are nothing, our work is of no importance,
social roles are ridiculous, normality is a word,
the exquisite is luxurious shit, artistic stuff is artifical,
opposition is no aim,
the advice and talk of others cannot concern me
in my way or behaviour.
i am open as i have always been,
but more open now.
and though the hinges of my doors screech at times, i am open as soul
and man to take you inside.
are you open this way?
i am also open to change and open to go another way, alone,
as i am open to life but:
through doubts and pain and joy and warmth and love
i wait for you to take me inside your heart as i am.
let me feel through your cloud, and if you cannot make up yor mind
let your heart walk out to me and i stay forever.
this is my presence.
there is nothing ambivalent about it.
it is the rich presence of life and of me, of you,
filled with salt and pepper and and the sweetness
of apples which can make us go through all troubles
and the experience of age and death:
it is love. it is simple.
i want to live a simple life.
it does not need a name.
at best we can call it our life.



ps
now , in the morning,  i thought of erasing it,
i will not.
no conventions here.