not even two weeks ago i had
a myocardial infarction.
in the hospital and after i took
Benzos, last bit two days ago.
last week i got out of hospital,
still taking them
and staying with a wish for death
and subdued inner crying until
yesterday morning throughout the days.
i know i would have preferred death to fear but i couldn't work it out in my days.
i walked around next to myself, and
all clear feeling had to make space for
a tiredness of life and a violent underground stream of suffering.
i was locked in by Benzos.
i am astonished now.
i slept late afternoon yesterday for four
hours and then all night and now
i am awake first time since hospital.
in the meantime i provoked and experienced an immense personal loss.
still, i am here now with myself, coffee
and a new day.
sleep is a healer however
much they say it is related to death,
i will say it is a healer to life coming out of
it.
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