behind the horizon

i am so broken and sore, i find no bush to hide and no hill to climb.
space is shrinking and closing in on me-i cannot speak.
my tongue must stay stuck as me, soon i will be mute.

today i looked out at sea, the horizon hiding all what may be behind,
more waste land, more deserts and monotonous sea without hope.


this is how i am, raw as an opened egg. no shelter, no protection anymore
and  near perishing, no chicken will crawl out here anymore, no seed grow.

i could find a way out alone, but alone i cannot find another way than out.

i may grow into a bitter old man.
i am grateful and can be mindful and respect each spark of life
and feel compassion with all prisoners and suffering beings-
still i feel too much alone.

i cannot speak.
i am lost.
again pushed and falling into my sadness.

i am missing my innocence, my joy, my flow.
me.
after all deconstruction, now
in all  construction: i am not there.
when i am present: i must be silent.

i try, for a while.
i see the lizards, the plants greening in salty sand.
then i die.
i hope with a smile, with relief.