a face of night

i fear
these black nights
dense and terrible.
i do not dream.

i stay immobilized
in my bed
stare into nothing
and find no breath.

for many years
i have known
such places.
if a dream comes

i am in meaningless
space without
doors and windows
but into the deepest hole

in which i would
fall and fall
and never know
when i reach the bottom.

if there is a bottom.
i wake up
and darkness calls
me, i don't know where.

you are not
the only one
with nights
and dreams

and fears
and shadows
in which the
bad memories sleep.

i took a torch
into my sleep
trying to find
if there are monsters.

but i met them
when the battery
had gone.
then i woke.

how sweet
death can be
i don't know.
but i know

how drowning feels.
after i do not know.
they always say:
a light at the end.....