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Tuesday, November 8, 2016

at work, a diary note

out of the monk's cell..


work calls me to presence.
it still is good this way.

not all is good, administrative tasks, flood of papers, pending fines meaning loads of money 
to pay from my pocket for my patients' medication.

all can never be good.
here at work my own needs go
into the background as there is
a flow in just giving my full attention and awareness.
and this is in a way quite intimate often.

when i am home i can be comfortable,for hours,  snow and clear cold outside, i am warm with my fireplace and my cat watching tv on my chest, maybe a glass of wine.

in the far corners of my soul i'd
still like to share in intimacy of soul and physical closeness. to be in or on bed together does not mean i want sex and it does not mean i don't want it. why should i know before or make a plan? i want to rest in the moment and enjoy relatedness and peace. slowly i see i have only myself, nobody is near enough. it leaves a sadness growing fainter but always present when i am still.

here is my cold world:


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