diary note, confusion

it may be in order to suspect that a person who knows and talks much about narcissism
could be narcissistic, somebody who met many narcissistic people may have erred in judgement.

it is a difficult and complex view, just possibilities.

narcissism may root in old hurt leading to a need to be superior and closed in.
for another this can be a black hole, a wall, near impossible to go truly near:
fear will result, fear to be hurt more. in the end hurt will come, others can be hurt and reflect the
pain of hitting a wall.

it is more intelligent at times to leave.
nobody who can cut a knot will stay in bonds.

it is can be very sad when another loves, there is nothing to win often for both parts.
it is highly complex when the narcissist loves, this brings terror to him or her.
the other has to prove loving forever.

it is also not very intelligent or mature to despise other humans for their so called normality,
it kills the possibility of singularities meeting. in a way it reminds of teenagers wanting to be special.
and it gets as boring with time as being ..normal. whatever normal means.

it is suspicious when one is told to die and to be ego-less, it means you may be in the way of self-love. of  a way struggling for balance. and it is hard to be with somebody always floating and fighting you to stay on the surface...requesting harmony.
though of course it can be beautiful to float, alone or with another in trust.

to be always right, to say again and again that one is innocent, humble, on a path of
self-perfection ...to see all clear and know all..this sounds at least as egocentric as deluded.

to find a way so much to perfection that one will not be reborn...can only result in
more and more unhappiness and sounds the wrong way. meditation can have no such aim,
no aim at all, Buddha didn‘t  look for Nirvana. when the goal is wrong, the way will be wrong.
but as life works: there are always new openings,  new ends.

anyway, this is not on badness but on helplessness.
nothing bad. all is good and all is bad and all is one.